I wasn't ready for it to end...trying to come to terms with it

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I wasn't ready for it to end...trying to come to terms with it
1
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 11:08am

To answer the question, I simply wasn't ready for it to end. Prior to the last week, we were both pretty comfortable with how things were going.  It had been quite awhile since any issues came up that caused either of us problems.  I guess that explains why when I would try to end it, I would go back so easily.  I'm still waiting for him to come back. 

I know all the things I should be doing but it's difficult after having this a part of my life for 13 years.  I saw him through so much with his first wife, and even with the second wife. Makes me so angry to think of all the time wasted. And then for him to blame it all on me and making me feel like I did something wrong. 

So, I'm trying to keep my days and nights busy and full with other things.  I haven't sent any messages to him for two days, so I guess that's a step in the right direction.

If this is the right thing to do, then why does it hurt so bad? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
It hurts because by ending it you are opening yourself up to the thought that those 13 years didn't mean anything. The trick there is that you assume they didn't mean anything to HIM and thus they were a waste of YOUR time. You have to turn it around to what those years meant to YOU, not to him, and how you are going to grow from that painful experience and understand something about yourself. Until you can stop trying to get inside his mind and focus on yourself instead, it will be hard. I was in for seven years and I've been out for eight months and I definitely still have moments. My xAP betrayed me and I've had a hard time coming to terms with that. I try to focus on the fact that I'm living an honest life now with integrity. At first it seemed like a small consolation, but when I look around at my family I realize it's much, much bigger than I ever realized. My T helped me a lot--don't know if you have one but it did help me. Try to think what kind of a person you want to be, and rebuild yourself into Blondehigh 2.0. Give time time, as RatherBeMe likes to say. Keep advancing the ball. Think who you want to me--not defined by him, but by you. It does get easier, it really does. --Bird