I will let it go
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| Mon, 12-13-2004 - 6:32am |
Good morning everyone,
He called me over and over again yesterday. After the 20th time, I answered. It didn't make me feel any better. I still didn't get the answers that will make me "feel" better. He still can't open up with me knowing I am the one who found it "all" out.
It's difficult to face that I am no different from the others; and, it is not up to me to "fix" him and make him realize the pain he is inflicting on "his" women, his W, himself. I am a nurturer by nature but I have to let this go for my sanity. I need to feel validated by someone all the time. I want him to validate me by saying I was different I was special. But the truth is and it's a hard truth....is it doesn't make a difference. My dear friend told me last night...I do think you were special to him...I think he did put more into you than the others. But so what? Does it sit well with you, if you are his #1 woman on the side? Wow! Never looked at it like that. Maybe, I was the one he could see himself caring for down the line, maybe he paid me more attention, and maybe that is the reason I get called 20+ times if I don't answer. In the end; it's still a game to him. I will never understand this and I have to stop asking myself, "Why? Why me?" I don't know why...I need to move forward and concentrate on the hows of introspection and personal growth. I let myself be ripped to shreds. I let myself jump into this madness. I fed it by allowing him to control my thoughts, my actions. I want to change my cell #, but can't b/c DH comes home next week for 3 weeks and then leaves again. If I change my #, it will look suspicious. My friend told me to "lose" it while he is home and get a new phone while he is here. We both will be out of the loop for the holidays(MM will be w family over holidays as well). When he comes back, he won't have my # to call. I am unsure if I should tell him to stop calling, emailing, etc or should I just not waste my time and cut it off w/out the good-byes. Any ideas on that?
I am delighted to know this is my place to come when there is no other outlet. Thank you!

Sun
Your doing the right thing take comfort in that.
Check to see if your cell and home phone company block calls from certain numbers if so have calls from all his numbers blocked. If not have that accident with the cell oops to bad.
With your training may be the link below can answer some of your questions.
http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/women.html
Keep posting and reading it will help.
Free