I wish, I wish, I wish
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| Fri, 01-07-2005 - 6:08pm |
For anyone out there who has ended their A because they knew it wasn't going anywhere, and then didn't stick to NC, take it from me. I wish I would've stuck to it the first time I ever told him goodbye. Now he doesn't believe it anymore when I say I no longer want to see him, and I can't say that I blame him. I let him in my house once again today. Nothing physical has happened between us since he (supposedly) ended things with me in November, and I posted the other day how I told him not to come by anymore, and then screwed up in our conversation, basically inviting him to come back. Well he showed up this morning, I opened the door and he pretty much grabbed me and kissed me! I couldn't help myself. We totally made out. (that's all) It was so emotional for me and felt so good. Then I asked him what the hell we were doing and all he said was he didn't know. then as he was leaving he told me to text him if I don't want him coming over anymore. WHY BOTHER!!! He doesn't believe me anymore anyway, and I completely don't trust myself either. I know he's probably laughing inside thinking "I got her again." I'm so mad at myself! I hate myself! He's not even trying to tell me he's gonna leave his W anymore, he just figures he can have us both now I guess, and I let him do it! I've never thought he was an a**hole until now! I have been going over it in my head all day! One measly minute of pleasure for a whole lot of pain to follow. I have to get out of this. I can't text him and tell him NC. I just have to do it! I don't think it is even wise for me to give him an explanation. I just want to fall off the planet so he can't find me, and know I'm done. Why am I so weak?! I want this to just be over!!!
PAL

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Once you have reached the point were you have had enough it will end and nothing he can do will stop it, relapses happen but they don't seem to last once you get a fresh taste of the pain and confusion.
JMHO
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