I won't let him ruin my holidays
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I won't let him ruin my holidays
| Mon, 11-23-2009 - 11:22pm |
I'm just having a hard night. I know it is because Thanksgiving is coming and I am hosting it and my in laws will be here including my exap (my husband's sister's husband) he will not be here till Fri. I wish I never had to see him again in my life. There are days I do so good, good with my DH,my kids, feeling good about myself. And then there are days when I think about dealing with this. I was so close to him, he was my whole world for about 6 months. It wasn't until NC that I started seeing things clearer an he is a player big time. I know he was addicted to me for a time too, but it was so much more for me I thought I was in love with him. I know I was not, I don't like,respect or even care for him. But never in my life has someone affected me like he has. He does not deserve any of my time and thought. I am still so angry and feel used. I was used for his ego. I didn't understand it at the time. I wish I had I could have protected myself more. I just don't understand that thinking. I know he helped my ego but I really had intense feelings for him. Thank God I found this board and it explained everything crystal clear to me. I am also frustrated with myself that I am so consumed with how I look around him now. My hair,my outfit , my makeup etc. It is just that I want to look nice so he thinks that I look nice and he regrets letting me go, not because I want him, sure there is a small part that misses the fantasy, but it is just for my pride and for my control. Now granted him letting me go was a gift from God, that is not lost on me.It is just something that I do have control over. I just wish I didn't care. I spent 12 years around this slob not caring at all what I looked like because I was not attracted to him. Is this normal, for me to be consumed about my appearance around him. It is probably not healthy caring so much what he thinks. It is definitely not indifference. I love my DH dearly and my DC. I have no love feelings for exap so why can't I move on.

Hi Classy,
I know what you're talking about. I feel the same. I always try to make sure I look pretty. Not because I want him to come to me, but just because it makes me feel better when I look nice.
We should not have to dress like slobs right?
hugs
htgo
Hi,
Maybe, just maybe, one of the reasons you want to look nice and have it all together, is to not only prove to xAP, but yourself that you can get on with your life without him, you have regained your self respect and you want to present yourself in a positive light.