ibasher.... May I ask you a question?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
ibasher.... May I ask you a question?
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 12:45am


I just realized that you're the same young lady that posted to me on May 3rd saying that God would advise me to tell the xMM's wife of her terrible blunder in committing herself to such a worthless man as she has. I've been meaning to post in reply to you and do so here....

In your additional reply to me you stated that you're not a betrayed spouse but a mere unhatched shrimp of 18. Further, you compared not telling the W as it being like the doctor not telling a patient that he has cancer which if not dealt with early, will obviously grow and if the doctor tells the patient and if detected early enough, it might have been rectified.

Your cancer analogy is correct but when it comes to relationships, IMO, I think you have a lot to learn. From what you have posted on this board, I command your parents (and you) because you do seem to be a very well grounded and moral young lady when it comes to those right and as you've stated, EASY choices in life... I truly do hope and pray that when those unknown to you now temptations come into your life... you WILL have the strength that those of us on this board did not.

How can I or any of us on this board make you understand that none of us got into these affairs to intentionally hurt anyone... especially ourselves! Further, how can we make you understand that by us telling the wife, we WILL intentionally hurt another person... If we have a choice, why would we want to choose that route especially, since on top of hurting the wife, we will deeper hurt ourselves and even further ruin our reputation and self-worth... makes no sense to me. Yes, the ACT of adultery IS the harm done to another (and to ourselves) but at this point, it IS a done deal and we're all here (with the help of friends that HAVE walked in our shoes) to figure out HOW to rebuild our lives... not how to further destroy them by telling the wife, their next door neighbor or publishing it in the local paper!

From your reply post to Glinda (GoodLittleWitch) I know you did read her wonderful explanation and I hope you do take it to heart because regardless of how GOOD and flawless our intentions in life are, there are times (as evidenced by this board) that we do make mistakes... we're human and we do sin. For me personally, I know that God will forgive me and I hope that you understand that to me, accepting God's forgiveness was/is easier then forgiving myself!

In her post, Glinda asked you what makes you come here and post? Basically, with the literally hundreds of other ivillage boards... why did you choose this one? And now, for my question... Were you or are you currently affected by infidelity of a parent(s) or a loved one or a friend? Did you come here in hopes of learning to understand all the why's??? If so, please tell us... we will be happy to help you in any way we can.

PEACE to you!

Sherry