Id are you out there?
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| Tue, 06-21-2005 - 5:17pm |
Id, and others, he's trying to get back into my life. It's been six months since he looked at me and told me he changed his mind and that he didn't love me anymore. He said he thought the grass was greener on the other side but it wasn't. So now that he and his wife have tried and it didn't work, he talked to me yesterday. I actually gave him 3 hrs of my time to talk. He said that 3 weeks ago he saw a pic of me and realized that he can't shake me from himself. He said that at least 6 times, he just can't shake me. He said he thought that the grass wasn't greener but it really was much greener and he made a mistake. He says he knows he made a mistake. He said he crashed that day that he said all those things to me but he said he crashed many times after that sometimes harder than that day. He seems so sincere, is there any way to trust him again. I waited for this day to happen when he would want me back but now that it's here I don't know what I want. It's so hard. He made the comment that he can still talk to me as easy as before and it's true, it's so easy to talk to him, we were comfortable with each other right away. But he hurt me bad, I don't know if I can let go of that, I'm scared he'll do it again. What to do? I know it's soon so I'm not rushing into anything. He said he's finally standing on his own two feet and he's making decisions for himself. I don't know what to do? I know nothing for now but he is going to try to get me back and I don't know how I feel anymore? He's officially done with her. He told her that he didn't want to be with her anymore and she hasn't been there for 3 weeks.
Please help.
LittleRocket

Rocky
Does he have a divorce decree in his hand yet, a legal one not something he downloaded from the internet, if not there is NOTHING to stop him from changing his mind again is there.
I suggest that you tell him to call you when he is completely DIVORCED and not before.
The only way he will not hurt you is if you don't let him.
Free
I agree with Free. Unless he can produce a certifiably signed, dated, and filed in the courts divorse decree, don't buy a word that comes out of his mouth. Nothing has changed other than he is again lonely, horny and has
Hi rocket,
I don't know your story but as someone who is currently being harrassed by a MM who won't decide what he wants, I see it as a good sign of character that he ended it with you and spent 6 months alone with his wife to see if the marriage was salvageable. If you still want this man and think he has positive qualities, I would thank him for his interest and tell him to give you a call when he is divorced and his life is in order to start dating. Make it clear that you have no intention of even being his friend until then. Then stick to it.
Ivy
Rocket, The previous 3 posts ring exactly true and I suggest you listen.
Having been the MM who went back into the marriage for one last chance, I understand the position your xMM is in. I also know from firsthand experience that if xMM is telling the truth this time, he WILL bring you a signed divorce decree and agree to date you as a single man. And I suggest that you DO NOT have any further involvement, conversation or otherwise with this man until he can bring you a copy of his decree. Otherwise you're wasting your time and setting yourself up to be hurt again.
As to trusting him in the future, that remains to be seen. If he is as grateful to be in a permanent relationship with you as he attests to now, I believe there is a good chance that he will remain faithful to you. I do not subscribe to the theory that every affair participant can be painted with the "once a cheater always a cheater" paintbrush. How the two of you interact and work things through with a counselor will impact greatly on a desire (or lack of one) to look for an exit door from your relationship.
Good luck to you and in the near future, continue your NC.
JMHMO,
cl-nre
hey rocket,
as what the others said, i would TRUST BUT VERIFY, this is if u want him back, but i would wait until he gets divorced, until then , let him figure out what he wants and stay the heck away from him .... ;)
your friend,
max
Hey everyone,
He did file in Nov last year but they had to fix a few things they didn't each agree on. By Jan, it was finished and they both signed. So he does actually have signed papers but that doesn't really matter anyway. Just b/c they divorce doesn't mean he couldn't one day just go back to her again anyway. I don't know about this. There was a day not that long ago that I wished for this, i cried myself to sleep wanting this but now I don't know. Wierd eh? We see each other at shift change and he stayed behind to visit with me for 1.5 hrs. I haven't heard or seen him since. I want to ask him what 'I can't shake you from my system' means in other words. I want to hear it from his lips. On one hand I want him to try to contact me but on the other hand, he admitted he has work to do on himself so I want him to do that by himself so therefore I don't want him to contact me. This is so confusing. Should love be this way? If not, maybe this isn't love.
When I see him I don't get gitty anymore but I'm not sure if it's b/c he hurt me so bad and I really feel nothing for him or if I'm just really guarding myself so that I don't get caught up into it all again.
It felt so good talking to him. We talk and laugh as if nothing ever happened. We smile at each other, he makes reference to things we did and said when we were together before. It feels like we could just pick up where we left off before but then I shake my head and remember what he did.
One thing I know for sure, I want to work on me a little longer. I'm finally feeling strong and confident again and I want to work out all those other issues such as trust and committment issues. I'm as bad as some men now when it comes to committment. I don't want it and I'm not looking for it. Not now, I'm not ready. I want to be whole again on my own. I hope this doesn't sound crazy! Being whole again and working on me.
Oh well, you guys still accept me even if I'm a little off sometimes.
Thanks so much,
LittleRocket