Id, Free, someone out there help?
Find a Conversation
Id, Free, someone out there help?
| Sat, 03-19-2005 - 3:15pm |
Ok, I was getting supper ready when I passed in front of the window and who was passing by and looking in.....but the W. She had the little one in the back set so she must have gone to eMM house to pick him up. But if they were still together then wouldn't she be staying there tonight? It is the weekend after all and she only works during the weeek and he's off on leave. Why wouldn't she be there for the whole weekend? Maybe she is going back to him?! Maybe he is with that other chick and doesn't want W back?! I've officially gone over the edge haven't I???
I need to move away, I'm fine until I see him or her or someone mentions his name then my mind starts to go again.
I'm in the process of buying land and I was going to build a house, it's a private road and then I thought maybe I wouldn't see them pass my house as much therefore not see them and therefore not think about them. Maybe I should just move, I don't know. I know that I had a good day until I saw her pass by and was looking into my house. Why do I hate her so much? She has the right to hate me but I don't have the right to hate her. Why oh why? I think it's b/c I think he and I would have been fine if she hadn't called every day and layed the guilt trip on him about deserting his son. She's a witch, she always was and always will be. why doesn't he see that? He said I was everything she wasn't and everything he wanted. What's up with that? God, I'm a mess now. I hate this feeling, I thought I was done feeling this way about him. I don't want to want him and I dont' want to miss him. Saw him yesterday and that messed me up too. Is moving the answer, I love the area I'm in, the people are a bit crazy but the geographics are amazing.
Thanks for listening to me spew, I feel a little better. I hope this is normal what I'm going thru and it will get better. Gotta go get ready for work tonight.
LilRocket
I need to move away, I'm fine until I see him or her or someone mentions his name then my mind starts to go again.
I'm in the process of buying land and I was going to build a house, it's a private road and then I thought maybe I wouldn't see them pass my house as much therefore not see them and therefore not think about them. Maybe I should just move, I don't know. I know that I had a good day until I saw her pass by and was looking into my house. Why do I hate her so much? She has the right to hate me but I don't have the right to hate her. Why oh why? I think it's b/c I think he and I would have been fine if she hadn't called every day and layed the guilt trip on him about deserting his son. She's a witch, she always was and always will be. why doesn't he see that? He said I was everything she wasn't and everything he wanted. What's up with that? God, I'm a mess now. I hate this feeling, I thought I was done feeling this way about him. I don't want to want him and I dont' want to miss him. Saw him yesterday and that messed me up too. Is moving the answer, I love the area I'm in, the people are a bit crazy but the geographics are amazing.
Thanks for listening to me spew, I feel a little better. I hope this is normal what I'm going thru and it will get better. Gotta go get ready for work tonight.
LilRocket

(((LIL)))
I'm so sorry sweetie, that you have all of this stuff "in your face" when you are trying so hard to be strong. Like my having to face him everyday at work, you have to see the comings and goings from your window. It's hard. There is no way I can say otherwise. Sometimes the only answer *IS* to literally move on...away from the emotional traffic that continues to run over your resolve. I fought hard with myself about getting another job, but then one day I realised, "Hey! I have just as much right to be here as he does and NO WAY am I going to let him intimidate me." After that, I was OK. I wore my smiley face, and I never EVER let that man see one solitary tear in my eye.
You need to think long and hard just how much you can take. If you consider yourself too weak to "flip him off" (emotionally) then you'll have to re-evaluate your options. I decided to stick around and slay my demons, looking at it as pennance in a way. I deserved it, so live with it or else wallow in self pity for the rest of your days.
You are dealing with so much more than just an XMM. You got the whole fam damily. My heart goes out to you, but know that your youth, your determination and your courage can get you past this. If it's a case of being sick of it all, them I am behind you 100% in moving out. Would your Dad be going with you? I know you have a lot on your plate but you will make the right decision. Have some faith in yourself.
Hugs,
Id
Rocket
Your OBSESSING over stuff that is really not your problem, his WIFE may have been taking the child to the pool who knows but it is NOT YOUR CONCERN.
Do you notice how often you speak of THEM and not him, how much of this is about loseing out to his WIFE, being rejected for a woman that you consider less then yourself ??
Bottom line is as you know he is a SERIAL CHEATER, what he did to his WIFE he would do to YOU just as quickly....THIS WOMAN DID YOU A FAVOR taking him back poor thing you should pity her not hate her.
Aa for moving it may remove the TRIGGERS from site but will it really deal with the under laying issues onlt you can answer that question.
Free
Free mentioned that I am obsessing and she's right I am. It's just that things are so good when I don't have reminders of them. I know how he is but he did have good qualities and there were times when I was really really happy with him and I miss that. I think I can be happy again with another man but i don't want to jump into anything until I'm seeing straight. The loneliness is hard sometimes.
As for my dad, he moved 30 minutes away from his house to live with me and he's very unhappy here. There's no way he'd move further. Dad lives near xMM so when I visit dad I have to pass his house. I force myself not to look into his driveway, sometimes I fail but for the most part I do ok.
Thanks for the hug, I appreciate it.
LilRocket
I don't want to move away, I guess I just want to run away from the problems so then they don't exist. I don't know what to do. Still some bitterness lingering I guess. Every time I start to think of him, I remind myself of the things he did that bugged me when we were together and then the things he said to me when he left me. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
I want to deal with the demons head on so that I don't have to continue looking over my shoulder all the time.
Thanks
LilRocket
rocket,
hey girl, this is Max, put some curtains on the window and pump up the volume on the stereo, hey i know how u feel and how we obsess about the other person and other person in our other person's life ( HOW MANY PERSONS WERE THAT :))
anyways, u have no control of OMM and his wife and family but u have control of yourself, 5 weeks ago i was in a very bad situation emotionally, i cried most of the nite and i cant sleep and eat well, i always think of OW, i never thought of myself, i was not taking care of myself, i know we love the other person but we need to love ourselves also, i was on the path of self destruction and i finally cannot take it anymore, i felt like i was dead inside of me, i felt no hope at all and that i have no purpose here
i guess i was wrong, i still want to be happy and i will be happy no matter how long it takes, i got angry at OW and i told her how i felt and i guess that was the catalyst for me to move on, i still see her at work everyday but i feel indifference towards her now, sure i have my moments when i feel like i want to tell her how much i love her but now i just keep it to myself
now its your turn, if i can do then u can do it to, heck we all can do it, i know u are a strong person, look at what u have been thru , what kinds of stuff u have to put up with, u dont know it but u are strong
start small, cover that curtain, when u drive to your dad's house, turn up the volume on the radio, try to eat food that u realy like, get a hobby, im trying to read some realy action/spy/suspense novel, i also go window shopping , i love shopping now, try chat on the internet to kill time, also i have taken up gardening again
i know u can do this Rocket, put your head and chin up, u are a nice person, a big heart, and someone out there is waiting and wishing for u
keep on posting if it helps u, i may not give good advice but i will always some weird things to say
NC baby doll,
Mad Max
~Mad Max~
Hah! You've got it going ON now. Your post to lil'r was great. I am amazed at the transformation I am seeing and speaking for all of us on here (If it's OK ladies and gents), YYYYEEESSS!!! You are not only going to make, you are already making it better.
You know Max, I am truly sorry you had to come here in the first place, but like all of us who were in the same sinking boat, getting support and not having to do this alone, makes all the difference towards winning or losing the battle.
Congrats on the new Mad Max! <-----but don't stay mad for too long ;)
Id
hi Id,
thanks, no i am not mad anymore :)
i just had enough, i said if i dont do something im gonna die, i read this report that a broken heart can cause a real heart attack and i dont want to die yet or have a heart attack
am i still in pain, Yes, im still grieving the loss, of course i miss her and all that, i live by myself, no family at all, do i feel lonely, yeap, but i am doing something about it
what would that be u might ask?, i take care of myself now, i make myself the most important person in my life now
Cap asked me if i read my old post, yes i do, i copied them all and saved them, it brings back memories of pain, right now as i right this post, i cant feel anything for OW , i also want to test myself , i want to cry this morning wheni woke up, i woke up and i thought about her, but that was just it, i thought about her and i did not cry anymore, i tried to think of how she hurt me and still i could not cry, so i thought of some happy memories and it made me better, i dont if foing that is good for me or not but righ now it seems to work
maybe this is the beginning of healing, of me letting go, i hope so coz im tired of SITTING, WAITING and WISHING, i say we can be the masters of our own destiny !!!!!
max :)
slowly, one day at a time
- im sorry in advance if my post are a bit harsh and sarcastic, i just want the others to get mad, for me getting angry was the nail that hit me in the head
Interesting what you said. Grieving the loss. Crying, getting mad. It is like a death in your life and we all go through these stages, until we get to the final stage of - acceptance. You are doing what is perfectly normal. You are taking care of yourself and seeing you are a worthy person, and obviously capable at being (at some point) having the ability to love again. Kudos to you!
I am in the beginning stage of letting go. I fully expect it to hurt. I feel like a fool for believing it could work. I am smarter than that. But I also know that everything happens for a reason and life is something from which we have something to learn a lesson from, or we will be doomed to repeat it - especially what we shouldn't if we don't pay close attention to what went wrong in the first place.
It's not always the other person. Sometimes it's something within ourselves we need to fix. If we learn anything from these A's, it's that it shows us how much we tolerate in those R's. We can tell a friend not to put up with bad behavior, we can tell our children that people should respect them and that trust and love is something to be earned. Hell, we treat our animals better than humans in many ways. But when it comes to R's, it's amazing what we will put up with when we are the main player in those roles.
Is it to not be lonely? You know, it's better to be alone than to be in a bad R. You can blame lonliness for not having a date on a Saturday night. It is pure torture for me to be alone on a Saturday night or any other night, Holiday, vacation, etc, knowing the reason is because MM is with his W. If I was alone, I could deal with that.
Hang in there Max - lots of Hugs,
Fire
Answering your question, YES, you are officially over the edge.
The affair is over.
Focus on your own life.
The rest of the drama participants will fade out pretty quick once you stop reacting or speaking to any of them.
Their problem, not yours.
Good luck on the new land.
Privacy can be wonderful, particularly with a private road that's posted "No Trespassing".
Because then the sheriff can escort the trespassing wife off of your land.....and all you need do is call the sheriff and not get out of the house.