if Bodhi can do it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
if Bodhi can do it
11
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 11:51am

Hopefully I'm not becoming Sybil here, but sometimes I feel like "if Bodhi can do it, so can I". During my A, I wanted XAP to take care of me, to "fix" me. I know now that he can't do that. He has is own life to figure out. So Bodhi is taking care of me with the help of all of you. As I continue to clean up the mess of my life, I can't tell you how much this board has helped me. I am accountable to all of you. By not letting you down, I'm not letting myself down. As Bodhi, I want to help others with what I've been through. When I go back and read what I've written, it seems that Bodhi is strong. She's on the right path. When I feel weak, log in with my moniker and all of you help me. "Bodhi" didn't exist until I met all of you. I'm sure glad she does now. :)

So when you feel like "you" can't make it through another minute, turn to your EAS "self" - get strength from her (or him). Even when you aren't here posting. Let that stronger version of yourself take care of you. This might sound silly, but I picture Bodhi as a real person, holding my hand sometimes.

Bodhi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 3:46pm

Great post Bodhi! I can relate completely!

MO

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 4:28pm
You're right - Bodhi is strong! She's posted some pretty insightful and supportive messages here. Thanks for another one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 8:57am
Great post! I am rooting for you bodhi. No turning back you've come to far.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 12:12pm

Wahoo! Bodhi is strong. This is great advice. I too go back and read Jane's posts for strength from time to time. Not only did the wonderful posters here save my life, but I saved my own life on many occassions... and isn't that what healing is all about? Isn't this journey about being enough for ourselves so that we don't have to receive validation from xap? Right on Bodhi. I love reading your posts and love watching you grow.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 12:36pm

<>


So how is Bodhi doing today? She comes across as a remarkable woman on this board. ;-)


(((Hugs)))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 2:00pm

<<<>>>

Bodhi is doing great - I'm leaning on her a lot :) It seems like I always have a low point on Monday mornings. I figured out that it's because for so many years, I hoped that the weekend would be THE weekend he talked to his W. (Not sure what my thinking was there - as if during the week wasn't an option?!) So Mondays would come, his car would be down the street, business as usual.

A big part of our A took place in my office, so it is still hard to be here sometimes. I've sat against the wall he used to lean on and cried. I've laid on the floor where we'd been intimate and cried. (which really makes me sick now that the fog is lifing) But I'm slowly reclaiming my space and the joy and pride it brings me.

Bodhi :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 2:17pm

lol Not sure how I missed this post but it made me giggle a little. Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where the guy talks about himself in the third person.


But actually it's pretty deep, because we have created an alter ego here. The woman we want to be, know we can be and it's funny how we don't want to let "her" down. I try to live up to my name all the time. lol Some days it feels like I'm "dumbing down" but whatev, you win some and lose some. :)


I am just glad to be here, to be trying so hard to be my better self. I am proud of you as well and the rest on this board. We made some mistakes, but we want to fix them, heal them, and learn from them. I am learning to meditate on the good things I want for my life rather than meditating on all the ways I have screwed it up. Keep fighting for Bodhi... she is something to hold on to!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 6:11pm

Hello Bohdi,

What a great post and I can relate to what you and the others have shared. Sometimes when I re-read my posts I am amazed at the strength, courage and insight TU has ... and then I remember that she is a part of me and all I aim to be: she is the older sister I wish I had, she is the best friend that I am blessed to have, she is a combination of the voices of my wise EAS sisters. She tries not to get defensive as she knows that she does not know ... she is trusting and loyal; she is fierce.

Just like all you amazing women here. Each new woman & man who makes it to this board can do it!

TU.

ps: wisingup ... you are impressing me daily with your growth!

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 8:34pm
Thank you TU!! Your encouragement means a lot. I think your posts are full of so much wisdom. Thank you for being here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 8:39pm
Thank you TU :) I love how you described TU!

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