If I can do it anyone can!

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
If I can do it anyone can!
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 7:05am

First of all, Clarity suggested I change my name, which I've been trying to do but haven't been able to. I go to the bottom of the page and click on change password but it just kicks me out, I'll keep trying. Anyway, I say my A lasted 1 yr, but really it was more like 2 because it was emotional 1 yr before it became sexual. I still work where it all stared, so still hear people talk about xAP. Work nights at hospital and mostly stay in room where we first had sex. He lives a mile down the road, so drive by his house daily. I tried going a different route only to realize that way I was going to pass by one of the hotels we used to stay at (we both work nights, so we'd both call in and spend the whole night together). The other day my family had dinner at the Denny's in front of this hotel. The park we used to meet at is right down the street and I drive by there almost everyday. I ended it, but I still feel like I love xAP with all my heart. I would have given up my faith, my husband, my family for this guy. He said he loves me, but I know he also still loves his wife and wasn't going to give up his family for me. But the thing that makes it even harder for me is I have his son. Right now this baby is a constant reminder of him. I hope with time I'll be able to look at my son and just see him as part of my family and as my husband's son although biological he's not his father. It's been two weeks NC. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm doing it. Dodgie, and any other newbie out there, yes it's hard, still crying everyday, but I know it will get better and it can be done. Take heart, you are not alone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 9:07am
Just wanted to ditto what dodgie said and tell you that I also think you're amazingly strong!! It's so hard having all those constant triggers - I, too, am constantly seeing xAP around in his car (he lives near me), have to pass "our" hotel on my way to work, etc. It makes it so much harder! Hopefully your little son can bring you even more strength to move on through this and maybe one day you'll even decide that he is the reason xAP came into your life - to provide you with that little blessing. Hugs to you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 9:33am

I love that mentality!  You CAN doing this!  You ARE doing this!

I think you have to start a new ivillage account to chance your name.  When I first came to ivillage, seemed you could have as many names as you wanted under one account..that all changed.  So, just go to ivillage.com to bring you to the front page...and click on 'join'...I'm doing this from memory, but I think it's just that simple.  

It's gotta to be hard with the baby...but just your knowing that it will get better and that you can do it, it will get better and you can do it.  Stick with us and you can't go wrong.




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 10:07am
So proud of you HnH!
Two weeks!! you are doing so well hun. And hey its ok to cry. I had me a teary old day yesterday but better out than in....

You will have to create a new account HnH and a new email. when I changed my name it wouldnt let me use the original email I had. Whatever new name you have choosen just use it @gmail/hotmail whichever and it should work from there.

Keep in doing it and looking forward to seeing your new positive name!

Sunny Soon Xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 10:40pm

HNH - Hurrahs now heard! You are amazing to me. Out of all of the mixes and maelstroms of situations of A's, yours requires GUTS!  Good luck and love to you, on this wild journey out. Truth will help throughout, even if it seems hard to H. it is a balance.

Cheering for you AND H !!!