Welcome. Thanks for coming out of lurkdom. I was involved with exap for over 6 months. Didn't know he was married initially. Even when I knew, I still continued. Either way, I take full responsibility. I have been nc for over 7 months. I stopped counting after the first 4 months or so. It was a huge struggle. Huge. I am over him n I see him for what he is and will continue to be. A liar. A user. A cake eater.
I have been working on me taking care of me. Focusing on loving myself. Figuring the paths that brought me to it. There have been women here 2 months to 7 years. N we all recover in our own way. No specific time table. Even if u r a strong person, NC is a challenge but well worth the pain later on. At about three months most of us are ranging from ok to pretty well. Usually, the fog has lifted. U begin to take responsibility for actions.
I still have a day here n there but they are my own personal issues. He was just a product of my own mess. I was a sitting duck...disaster waiting to happen.
If u feel up to it, post your story. I am sure there is someone here with a story like yours. Post away too. If u have ended ur A.
I was involved with my XAP for 6/7months... he left home after the first three, the day he left was the first time we had S... I suppose in hindsight, I never left home and I continued to be intimate with him. He is still outta the home but I initiated NC properly (after several failed attempts) on Friday when I changed my cell no.
I know it's only a few days but my mind is still consumed by him... however already hope for a future together has been replaced with facing a struggle of making my own M work (only been married 8mths) :(...
I miss him, but the more I'm on EAS and the more I see similarities, the more I realise, our A was no different... apart from him leaving home.
Welcome to the EAS board! My EA last two years and I've been NC for 5 weeks and 3 days. The A ended about 6 1/2 weeks ago, but the first week or so I didn't find the board and was in rough shape. I still struggle at times with memories, but like so many women and men here stated, NC is the only way to go. No contact = no new hurts. Each day DOES get easier btw.
Welcome to our community. My affair was physical and emotional; friendship with benefits if you'll pardon the juvenile term. It lasted about 7 months. i've not seen him in person in 5 weeks, but have been struggling with NC. the longest i've gone is 8 days. if you read some of my posts, you'll see that my challenge is that xAP keeps trying to contact me, and i ignore and ignore and finally i cave and have to re-set the clock. this is an ongoing challenge for me, but one thing i love about this board is that people here is that we all realize how hard it is to fight this fight.it's a near impossible thing to talk about with most people in our lives, so an anonymous community can be very supportive. hope you'll find us helpful :)
My A wasted 7 years of my life, 5 of which were a PA. It has been a struggle throughout NC...I made it 118 days... nothing good came from the contact except I spewed out crap that had been in my head for that long. Now the wound (which was close to being healed) is wide open again! There is NO OTHER WAY tp heal except not making contact in any way.
I don't count anymore, I am taking a day at a time. Some days are great, others not so much. Every day is day one for me now, that is how I look at it.
I screwed up, I did not listen to all the amazing advice given. I really am my own worse enemy for breaking NC. Good luck, and if you want the pain to subside, read, listen, and search your soul for answers. Never look to xap for answers... it is a waste of time!
I was involved in an EA with my best friend for 1 year. We've know each other for 4. I am M. I have been out of my A for over 5 months- quickly approaching the 6 month mark. I felt awful for the first 90 days and then seemed to turn a corner. I've reached a point where he is no longer the first thing on my mind in the morning, but I do still have down moments. I am working on me and reinvesting in my M and it is the best thing I've ever done.
I think it really depends on the person. Just as the length of our affairs differ, the healing time does too. There are a lot of circumstances in play. I didn't chime in before, but my A lasted a long time - 7.5 years and physical after the first month. I'm at the beginning of week 3 of NC. The fog is lifting, but I have no idea how long it will take to get over. One day at a time.
Hello,
Welcome. Thanks for coming out of lurkdom. I was involved with exap for over 6 months. Didn't know he was married initially. Even when I knew, I still continued. Either way, I take full responsibility. I have been nc for over 7 months. I stopped counting after the first 4 months or so. It was a huge struggle. Huge.
I am over him n I see him for what he is and will continue to be. A liar. A user. A cake eater.
I have been working on me taking care of me. Focusing on loving myself. Figuring the paths that brought me to it. There have been women here 2 months to 7 years. N we all recover in our own way. No specific time table. Even if u r a strong person, NC is a challenge but well worth the pain later on. At about three months most of us are ranging from ok to pretty well. Usually, the fog has lifted. U begin to take responsibility for actions.
I still have a day here n there but they are my own personal issues. He was just a product of my own mess. I was a sitting duck...disaster waiting
to happen.
If u feel up to it, post your story. I am sure there is someone here with a story like yours. Post away too. If u have ended ur A.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hello LWF,
Tell us your story...
I was involved with my XAP for 6/7months... he left home after the first three, the day he left was the first time we had S... I suppose in hindsight, I never left home and I continued to be intimate with him. He is still outta the home but I initiated NC properly (after several failed attempts) on Friday when I changed my cell no.
I know it's only a few days but my mind is still consumed by him... however already hope for a future together has been replaced with facing a struggle of making my own M work (only been married 8mths) :(...
I miss him, but the more I'm on EAS and the more I see similarities, the more I realise, our A was no different... apart from him leaving home.
How are you feeling?
PL xx
Hi,
Welcome to the EAS board! My EA last two years and I've been NC for 5 weeks and 3 days. The A ended about 6 1/2 weeks ago, but the first week or so I didn't find the board and was in rough shape. I still struggle at times with memories, but like so many women and men here stated, NC is the only way to go. No contact = no new hurts. Each day DOES get easier btw.
Again, welcome!
MovingON
Hi LVF,
Welcome to our community. My affair was physical and emotional; friendship with benefits if you'll pardon the juvenile term. It lasted about 7 months. i've not seen him in person in 5 weeks, but have been struggling with NC. the longest i've gone is 8 days. if you read some of my posts, you'll see that my challenge is that xAP keeps trying to contact me, and i ignore and ignore and finally i cave and have to re-set the clock. this is an ongoing challenge for me, but one thing i love about this board is that people here is that we all realize how hard it is to fight this fight.it's a near impossible thing to talk about with most people in our lives, so an anonymous community can be very supportive. hope you'll find us helpful :)
Hi there LWF,
My A wasted 7 years of my life, 5 of which were a PA. It has been a struggle throughout NC...I made it 118 days... nothing good came from the contact except I spewed out crap that had been in my head for that long. Now the wound (which was close to being healed) is wide open again! There is NO OTHER WAY tp heal except not making contact in any way.
I don't count anymore, I am taking a day at a time. Some days are great, others not so much. Every day is day one for me now, that is how I look at it.
I screwed up, I did not listen to all the amazing advice given. I really am my own worse enemy for breaking NC. Good luck, and if you want the pain to subside, read, listen, and search your soul for answers. Never look to xap for answers... it is a waste of time!
Hi LWF-
I was involved in an EA with my best friend for 1 year. We've know each other for 4. I am M. I have been out of my A for over 5 months- quickly approaching the 6 month mark. I felt awful for the first 90 days and then seemed to turn a corner. I've reached a point where he is no longer the first thing on my mind in the morning, but I do still have down moments. I am working on me and reinvesting in my M and it is the best thing I've ever done.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Thank you all for your responses.
<<>>
I think it really depends on the person. Just as the length of our affairs differ, the healing time does too. There are a lot of circumstances in play. I didn't chime in before, but my A lasted a long time - 7.5 years and physical after the first month. I'm at the beginning of week 3 of NC. The fog is lifting, but I have no idea how long it will take to get over. One day at a time.
Bodhi