is ignorance bliss?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
is ignorance bliss?
5
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 12:41am
my boyfriend and i have been together for over six years now.... last summer i cheated on him. i dont have an excuse for it... except i was weak. because this guy showered me with compliments and i liked the way it made me feel perfect. even tho my current boyfriend did that and then some. it was a mistake that i regret everyday of my life! some days it makes me sick to my stomach. i havent told my boyfriend because i feel that yes i am unhappy keeping a secret, but what would it do if i told him? it would hurt him. and it seems almost selfish to tell him something just because it will make me feel better.

what i did had no feelings involved... it was pure stupidity. since it meant nothing then shouldnt it mean nothing now? my boyfriend means the world to me, i have learned from my mistake and have appreciated him more and more...

i need help in coping with a horendous mistake. does prayer help? what about meditation? or are there any good books that deal with a situation like mine? if u could help it would be much appreciated
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 3:51pm
Yes, prayer does help. Also try physical activity, walking, running, tennis... Other hobbies can take your mind off it but it sounds like you need forgiveness and to forgive yourself. Follow your heart.

Read this board. There are others who have dealt with the same feelings and questions. You're not alone. We've all made choices, some we regret, some we can learn from. Now we're choosing to move on in our lives. Good luck to you.

lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 5:32pm
Some random thoughts:

1. Do NOT tell your bf just to alleviate YOUR guilt--it rarely turns out to work towards your benefit and causes MUCH pain.

2. Find a therapist and do some self exploring about what led you astray. Something is missing--and I don't buy "it just happened" excuse, either. There is an inner void that you sought from someone else--and only YOU hold the key to that lock.

3. A therapist is also a good way to unburden your guilt in a very non-judgmental objective manner.

4. The fact that you learned tremendously from this situation (how much you REALLY appreciate your bf now) speaks volumes too...but again, if you tell, that would most likely change. The longer you are with (or married to) someone, the more there are opportunities for one's mind to consider straying....keep a journal or at least some memory of how sick this makes you now....you may need to refer back to it in the future.

Hope this helps...

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 7:00pm
wow thank you! this has totally given me piece of mind. i have been so torn up. its on my mind from the minute i wake up from the minute i go to bed. i guess cuz its really the first time in my life i have felt defeated by feelings. i feel like i not only betrayed my boyfriend but myself too.

cuz i did have a void i never realized i needed filling. i felt like i needed compliments from other guys in order to be important... i got such a high from them. but that has taught me alot about myself! i have to look within myself! i dont need affirmation from anyone else that im great! i kno that i cant be happy unless im happy with myself first! ive definatly learned that.

thank you sooo much for ur insight! it wont be wasted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 7:31pm
srfgrl~

See? the lessons you have learned are invaluable! Happiness always comes from within.

Good luck with everything

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 8:35pm
A friend of mine has recently been urging me to tell my bf about the one time A I had a year ago. I have been doing really well in coping with my mistake. Ive been praying and reading this forum and talking with my mother. But this friend has just brought me all the way back into questioning myself and what I should do. I kno I don’t want to tell my bf but I get this nawing guilt that I should. Is this just my other side trying to make me think I would be doin the right thing when it’s the wrong? I cant even tell anymore! I thought I was at a place where I was forgiving myself and actions but then this friend just turned everything up side down!!

I cant help but think he is telling me to do it because he cheated on his gf a few times. The first time he was honest the second he lied and she found out. They aren’t together anymore. So I feel like he just wants me to suffer too. And another thing that makes me question his advice is that he is being accused of rape.

i have a fear that he will tell, even when he has promised to take it to his grave. I cant help but be scared. And then when i talked to my mother about it she said that the things we fear often come true.

Im just back to questioning myself all over again! And feeling like a horrible person!