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| Tue, 10-19-2004 - 8:42pm |
Were the last words he said to me. That was 3 months ago today!
Our affair ended 4 years ago and we swore to each other we will be best friends for life!
I thought we were best friends. The immediate weeks that followed our last "best friends" lunch meeting were hectic with work projects for me. He sent me a couple emails that brought me up to date with events at his end, even though he was on my mind daily, I never had the opportunity to email him back.
Weeks started turning into months. I started to feel disappointed, angry and hurt and today, I feel numb!
Was I the only one that cared? One time when I didn't hear from him for 5 days, I sent him a dozen emails asking if he was okay? I can't believe he's able to not care if I'm even okay? He always was paranoid about calling me but after 3 months of no contact whatsoever, I'm wondering if I will never hear from him!!!!!!??????
As I've said, our affair ended 4 years ago ....Is our friendship now over for good?

Well, there's no way to know. At one point in our A, my exMM would freak out if he didn't hear from me first thing in the morning sometimes and would leave me all these VM's wondering where I was. Well, he's been the one that's maintained NC better than me...so go figure. I have given up trying to understand. Either men are just better able to move on, or better able to avoid their feelings altogether (I'm voting for the latter). Point is, it doesn't do you any good to wonder, if its over. His feelings are irrelevant.
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I wasn't a close friend of my exMM before our A so I don't have any experience w/this...we knew we had to cut it off for good...but from past experience prior to my M, it was hard to me to go back to being "just friends" with a boyfriend after having a serious relationship. Honestly, I don't believe you can ever go back to what you had before you became intimate, but that's just my opinion. Too much water under the bridge...how do you let go of that?
This probably isn't much help...but if its been 3 months...I'd say that he's moved on, and any attempt to keep in touch or try to get back to where you were will just expose you to unnecessary hurt. Easy to say, hard to do...
Take care.
hugs
Sounds like he knows that NC will help him heal. It's harder when the other person sticks to NC better than you do :-) I always was friends with ex-boyfriends, so I am having a tough time with NC. I will need NC until I am completely rid of the feelings and emotions though. Then maybe I will be able to talk to him. It will be awhile!
I would wait it out. Forget about the lack of contact and don't worry about what he is thinking or feeling. Your feelings are the only ones you can control. If you have kept contact like this over the four years since your A ended, then you'll probably talk again. But don't center yourself on waiting for it.
There are some other threads on this board that address the whole "was I the only one who cared?" issue--check out the threads from the last several days. He probably did care, but everyone recovers in their own way, and NC is necessary at times to most people's recovery process (for mos,t NC is ALWAYS necessary)
:-)
Meg
Friendships burn out just the same as other relationships. People grow apart. Maybe he's just to busy to mantain a friendship with you or maybe he needs space and thinking time.
Lifelong friends are a rare and valuable commodity. And I think that when you sleep with a friend the chances of the relationship staying strong for the long haul are slim.
Hope all goes well for you.
m x