I'm in agony

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
I'm in agony
4
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 5:25pm

Hello.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 5:41pm

Onajourney,


I am a new newbie. I cannot give you the answers- but I am sure the vets will be along shortly to help.


First, I am sorry for your pain. You sound like you are really upset and hurt, and I just want you to know that I have been there.


It can get better, it will get better. Take some deep breathes, you are not alone. You have to dedicate yourself to going and staying NC- not for DH, not for AP, but for YOU. You have to truly want NC.


If you can go NC, even if you can't do it permanently- even if you just can do a day, a week, anything- maybe you can get a little clarity and start sorting yourself out.


Sending thoughts and prayers your way (hugs) Don't give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 5:44pm

Hugs to you, (((oneajournay2006)))

We all been there. Crying for days, and not being able to eat or sleep, and torturing ourselves with "what ifs".

First of all, grats on ending the madness. It doesn't matter how it ended as long as it ended and stays that way. Whether he cared or not - it doesn't matter at the moment. Breathe deeply. Cry if you feel like crying. Scream if you feel like screaming. Do whatever you feel like doing just to get through the day - oen day at a time. Don't think how you're going to live without him, because soon enough, you'll be over him and won't care anymore:) Start journaling and write down everything you feel - I use to write long posts to my x. Write all about your pain - when you'll feel weak and will start forgeting why it ended, it all will be there to remind you.

First glimpses of light usually come after fourth week, 3d week I think is the hardest. Best of luck to you and hang in there, I PROMISE it gets better, me and countless other women here lived to tell about it. One day it all just won't matter anymore, it just won't, heart has an amazing ability of healing itself. Be patient with yourself.

XOXO
GOne

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 5:49pm

Welcome, Journey!


Your situation sounds very similar to mine: married, in A for 3 years, lurked here for awhile and began posting about 3 weeks after I ended it; felt completely alone, told NOBODY of my A, and dying inside.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 6:19pm

OAJ~

I just wrote 4 paragraphs to you and then hit the wrong button and lost it all. I hate it when that happens....anyway, Welcome to Endings and I am sorry you are in pain, but honey, it's only been 3 weeks; way too soon to be feeling better about anything right now.

Try not to dwell on how it ended , because I am a firm believe we do what we need to do in a time of crisis. You say you were not yourself when you ended it, but honey, you were not yourself while you were in your A either. None of us were. We were all caught up in our own selfish little fantasies that had very little to do with who we really are deep inside.

Keep reading, posting, and learning. The journey away from an A is long and arduous, and you are going to have to be patient with yourself. AND...no more emails, okay? It's time to take back your power and own up to your actions. This is the first step in finding your way back to you.

Congrats also on going back to school for a new career. You are in more control of your future than you're giving yourself credit for.

((Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~