im back again :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
im back again :(
11
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 6:33am

Hi ladies

Well Im back after a long break from here. Being honest it with you i was too embarrassed and ashamed to post because i had fallen back into

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 9:10am

Gal,

Of course I'm very sad to hear this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 9:10am

gaL,

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I'm glad these are your words because we'd get a big 'ol black mark on our records if we said this to you. And while on the subject. being weak around this JAM seems to be your excuse for lettin him suck you back in each and every time. So how abour trying something a little different. Now that you are 5 days NC, the only way to make it 10 days and then 30 days, etc. is to COMPLETELY IGNORE HIM, AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS, NO FB OR EMAILS OF ANY KIND, and go about business as if he does not even exist. Can you do that?

Heck, it's just me an xjam here in my office daily, and he knows not to GO THERE because I have TAUGHT him never to disrespect me again. "We teach people how to treat us." I know you have read this on here a gazillion times. So, how about teaching your cheating a$$ JAM that you could care less if he is still breathing? TURN on your heals and walk in the other direction (and I mean even if it looks deliberate and obvious), the minute you see him coming in your direction. If he approaches your desk you say, "You are in my space." Period. Turn you chair so your back is to him. I don't care if he has a hissy fit, or says something nasty, you just do it and ignore him. You TEACH him that you are NOT GOING TO GO THERE ANYMORE.

Sometimes I feel like a parrot around here. I am constanting having to repeat myself and you know what? It's really getting old.

<<>>,

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 9:31am
Hi Gal, YOU can do this. YES it hurts, YES it is difficult, and YES YOU CAN. But, like Dee said, "block and walk". Get him OFF your FB account so you have no more opportunity to stalk him. Block his number from your cell phone, block his email from all your accounts. If you work together, do what Iddy said and WALK away from him. Don't let him think that you are thinking he is "all that" or even somewhat important to you. The first time I encountered my xJAM at work after I really and truly made the conscious effort to block him from my mind, I got in my car after a small interaction with him..,pulled over on the side of the road and spent 15 minutes or so crying and screaming at the top of my lungs! Then I posted here. Everyone was so supportive. I cannot believe how that moment changed me. Sure, it is still a daily (sometimes minute-to-minute) struggle, but I feel so FREE. I have a ton of issues and insecurities to work on in ME, and the fog of the A helped me to escape and enter into a dangerous land of deceit and destruction. I am climbing out of that put and I do NOT want to fall back in. You have to WANT that. Desire it for yourself - and when you do, you won't find yourself slipping as easily anymore. :) Stay here, Gal. It is a good place to be. Hearts <3
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 9:36am

GAL,

Warning.........HARD LINE and ADVICE coming.

You are teasing him and leading him on.

You haven't made the break, no matter how many times you say you have gone NC.

He doesn't know it. We men are not stupid. We will keep coming back as long as we are welcomed. We quit making an effort when we are rebuffed. True, it may mean doing it more than once. No one wants to fight a losing battle.

You need to set the boundaries and stick to them. You need to read and FOLLOW the NC rules. That means Facebook and all other types of keeping track of him. You need to eliminate him from your life.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 12:42pm

Thanks so much guys I realy needed to hear those words today.

I am beating my head here trying to figure out why i constantly crave the attention from this JAM.....its ridiculous. I feel like its this bad addiction that I cant seem to get rid of...its driving me insane.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 12:45pm
"We teach people how to treat us."

You are so right Iddy. This is exactly what i have done wrong. I have thought him that it is ok to treat me with the disrespect that he does. Im mean he doesn't see any problem in going from telling me for days that he wants to all of a sudden completely ignoring me and treating me like a dont exist....and why? Because I stupidly let him...and for what? Crumbs of attention. I want to slap myself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 1:22pm

Gee wilikas, Gal...how many times are you going to step on that damn rack and get whacked by it?


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 7:04am

hi Clarity i apreciate your tough love I really do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 9:06am
I can honestly "feel" you this time, Gal. Just something about the way you are writing now or perhaps your choice of words, but you have my vote that THIS TIME is IT for you. Just keep imagining your JAM is invisible or better yet, does not exist. The more your brain accepts his demise, the sooner your heart will follow.

((Hugs)))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 10:44am

hi iddy :) thank you for your vote of confidence. I really do feel a lot different this time. I think the difference this time is that for some strange reason only now

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