im back, with more to vent...
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im back, with more to vent...
| Tue, 05-11-2004 - 11:33pm |
yikes! yup so im back... ive been doing really well with coping with the A i had a year ago (which my bf still does not kno about)
but tonight we were just lying in bed watching tv and a recaping of americas top model came on... and i dont kno who of u have seen it but this girl cheats on her bf and they eventually goes back to her.
well after he saw that, he was completely disgusted. he was like i would never take someone back if they did that! omg never!
this totally freaked me out! i started to feel nausious! i just dont even kno what to do anymore... cuz the issue of cheating is everywhere so it comes up in conversations with friends and my bf! and its just like im getting everything rubbed in my face on a daily basis
so i am constantly feeling horrible about myself and cutting myself down. i feel like that is the only way i can feel better is to make myself feel awful... does that make sence? it def doesnt to me... yet i still continue to do it.
how can i just forget about this whole mess and led a normal life without guilt and regret!?!?!
but tonight we were just lying in bed watching tv and a recaping of americas top model came on... and i dont kno who of u have seen it but this girl cheats on her bf and they eventually goes back to her.
well after he saw that, he was completely disgusted. he was like i would never take someone back if they did that! omg never!
this totally freaked me out! i started to feel nausious! i just dont even kno what to do anymore... cuz the issue of cheating is everywhere so it comes up in conversations with friends and my bf! and its just like im getting everything rubbed in my face on a daily basis
so i am constantly feeling horrible about myself and cutting myself down. i feel like that is the only way i can feel better is to make myself feel awful... does that make sence? it def doesnt to me... yet i still continue to do it.
how can i just forget about this whole mess and led a normal life without guilt and regret!?!?!

My husbad used to rant and rave about how he would never forgive me for having an affair, and even predicted I would have one... I found out later his parents had about ten years of that while he was in his adolescence. Now, DH is my best support for getting over XMM. He sees it as an illness, me as a victim of a very selfish man, and glad that as a result, our marriage is much more honest. It took him a while to get there. The first few months he was horrible, but then as he became more understanding, the pull of the A became less and I was able to begin ending it.... a process which unfortunately still continues, but only via email.
Perhaps finding a way to forgive yourself through understanding will also prevent it from happening again.
Lala