I'm back. Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
I'm back. Please help.
13
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 6:55pm

Hi everyone. I posted once last week. I am struggling to end this with my xap. He is the one who mainly wanted to end it, but we have waffled back and forth.

It's only been going on for 3 months, and we haven't had sex or anything, except cuddling and kissing. Text messages were how we mainly talked. He and his wife are good friends of my husband and I and we hang out almost every weekend.

Today, we both ended it AGAIN over text message. I told him that I had feelings for him and that I could've loved him. But that I also know that it has to end.

I am just really really sad. I know it was wrong, please don't bash me. It's just that my husband and I have been struggling so bad for so long and I have been so neglected in my marriage. This guy was great to me, and in many ways I do not wish it was over.

I told him I would not text him anymore. Tomorrow will be NC day 1 again, and it is going to kill me. I know I have to avoid him on the weekends too, but it is so hard. Please please, anyone. Help. I'm drowning.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 7:12pm

I could have written your post. I was in an EA with a close family friend for over 3 years. We had many, many periods of N/C. We always knew what we were doing was wrong and knew we needed to just stop.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 7:32pm

Hi HR


Sorry to hear you are struggling.


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It will take more than just knowing “it has to end” it will take being committed with all your

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 10:59pm

Hazel,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 7:56am

Hey hazelrose!!!


It has been about 7 months for me with little or no contact, has it gotten easier, well yes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 7:57am
Just close your eyes and imagine D day. The look on everyones faces. Maybe that will help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 11:30am

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. It means so much to me. It is 10:30 am and so far so good. I know that the day will get harder this afternoon, but I am prepared for the temptation and I know that no contact is the only way. If I contact him I know I will only get hurt even more.

Please keep offering your advice and encouragement today as I struggle. You guys are the only ones I can talk to and y'all are keeping me from giving in. I was so glad to come here and see all of the responses. It really hopes knowing you are not alone.

Sigh. I'm tired. Sometimes it hits me and I feel like I can't breathe. How am I going to do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 1:52pm
You are not alone. I have had NC for over a week and today was the first day I felt like I was myself again. He is working on his M. Today rather than send him cute text mssgs, I sent them to H. It was a nice feeling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 2:40pm
You CAN do this. You really can. And the effort and hard work pay off big time. You will get
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 2:53pm

thank you jocelyn and bandk.

Please, keep it coming. I need all the encouragement I can get right now. It's almost 2 pm, and I have made it this far. It's really hour to hour.

I texted my H today, and found out he and my xap are working together today. UGH. TORTURE. I almost was tempted to contact xap and tell him that I did not appreciate him hanging out with my H today when I am trying to not contact him and I am trying to heal. Because now all I can do is think about what they are doing/talking about. It's driving me nuts.

And this weekend is coming up. I know they will want us all to hang out. It's going to be so hard to say no.

I am also feeling guilty. Actually, this is the first day I have actually started to feel any sort of guilt. Weird.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 5:44pm

Well, it's way past 2pm my time. I hope you stayed strong and did not reach out to him.


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