Im discouraged
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Im discouraged
| Mon, 04-12-2010 - 7:08pm |
I think that mostly, I just want to get this out. Maybe if I do, I will feel better....
For awhile, I thought I would get closure. We would agree to go our separate ways, wish each other the best of luck and then that would be it, I could finally move on with my life. Well ladies, that actually happened today.

I'm sorry you're in pain. It has been stressed here many, many times before that there is no such thing as "closure" in an A. Making contact again has only proved to you once more that it only causes more PAIN. Newbies, let this be a lesson to you.
Love and good thoughts,
AAI
Hey GMLB,
Don't get discouraged! We all have set backs. Just keep in mind that you are doing this for you and your family and it will get better...eventually. I don't have any all inspiring advice as I am new to all of this too. But I do want to thank you for posting this. I have been struggling with the closure thing myself. For me there was absolutely no closure. We didn't even get to say goodbye. It was just BAM and it was over. So your post really helped me to realize that it is not worth it. It will just start the pain all over again. Thank you so much for sharing this. I hope knowing that you helped me brings you a little joy.
Hold your head up! Look at this as a learning experience. Now you know that nothing he says is going to help. You have to help yourself. You said you felt like you again this past weekend. What is stopping you from doing that again this weekend? Or even this week! Don't stress yourself out about a few texts. Yes, it was a minor set back. Be thankful that you didn't get pulled back into the A.
I'm sorry I don't have more to offer you. I wish I had some wise words for you. Hang in there. We will get past this.
Big hugs to you GMLB.
Because you invested so much of you--your heart, your soul, your future.
But why do I feel like this is a loss when I really should be relieved its finally over???
Hello GMLB,
I'm with KMG in I think it's the final realization and sadness that came from emotionally attaching ourselves to someone who didn't value us. To put so much time and effort into something....and for what?? Nothing....
I know every time I think of xAP (and that is often right now) I am constantly reminded of just how crappily I let this guy treat me...of how much of an ego boost I provided him, and how much of a self-esteem slam he was for me. What IS IT about this A fog that makes us accept such lousy scraps, making excuses the whole time that it's all acceptable?
I think it's normal to feel what you felt yesterday. It opened up an old wound and brought to surface many of the old hurts/memories. The finality of saying goodbye IS a sad thing, when you've invested your time and emotions (and your body) into someone. He took a piece of you.
((HUGS)) to you,
Misty
Thank you to all of you for responding. I read all of your responses this morning and I want you to all know that it helped me to start my day off on a stronger note than yesterday.
Acting, you are right, I hope that all the newbies on here can read my post and learn from it. Any contact with XAP is toxic and complicated.
WhoIwanttobe, You DID help me. I have read your posts as well and thank you for taking the time to help me when you are struggling yourself. There is NO SUCH THING as closure. Im sure, over time, I would wonder if he was thinking of me had we just never spoken again. But since we did basically say our final goodbyes it really made me feel like the last 16mths meant nothing to him. Almost felt like he was glad I ended it so he wasnt the one to blame. What a coward, but I already knew that. He proved it so many times during the A but I was living in the fog and off his scraps of attention. How stupid of me.
kmg6, the point you brought up about having a H who has stuck by you and never deserved this hit home for me. I too have a DH that is everything XMM wasnt. My H is thoughtful, caring, and patient despite how I have treated him during all this. He is no way has desserved what I have put him though. The guilt of that is sometimes very over whelming.
liberty, when I think of all of the time I wasted with XMM, it really makes me sick. I made excuses about having to work late, being super busy. All just so I could catch a few of his precious minutes. I hung around for him waiting for the thumbs up "Yes, I can meet today". I really was his "beck and call girl" but I allowed it. Such a waste and Ill never get those stolen moments from my kids and H back. All I can do now is make sure I am around, present and in the here and now frame of mind, not just physically there but mentally there too. I going to relish in no longer having my mind a million miles away on XMM. Honestly, that has been the most welcome return thus far is being, living and feeling in the moment.
misty, he DID take a piece of me. I gave up a lot of pieces so willingly (LOL), But all joking aside, those old wounds that I thought were healed, were indeed opened back up a little yesterday. Over the weekend I had that nice glimpse of the old, pre A me. Then Monday hits and I felt like I had lost ground.
I hope you all know how important you and this board have been to me. Im better today thanks to you and I come here every day and will continue. Thanks for pushing me, ever so gently, back into the right direction.
Love to all,
GMLB
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Bingo! This very issue was always and still is to somewhat a degree, a point of real anger for me. I don't recall feeling particularly sad because I invested so much of myself in the affair and him. I was ticked off big time that he didn't think it was important to return the same to me. He had his life to live, ya know. ;-)
I've always wondered are most male AP's like this? Basically, get what they want and then back off. I think they back off because they don't want any further involvement, but they don't know it. They want their cake on the side with as little effort as possible.
It is sad to realize you gave so much of yourself to another person and they don't return in kind. I told my xAP I gave him my soul on a silver platter. Come to think of it, I can't remember what his response was, if there was one at all. And this man wanted to be friends forever. I suppose he thought I could just wipe the slate clean and start over. NOT !! But the anger and the sadness that comes from realizing what you lost when you thought you were giving - is the real realization that it was just an affair.