I'm feeling loney right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
I'm feeling loney right now
7
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:06pm
Today is the first day that xAP and I haven't talked...well we didn't talk yesterday either. I broke up with him yesterday and I feel pretty good. I haven't really cried and I don't feel too sad. I am angry though at letting him control the relationship for as long as I did. I keep repeating all the jerky things he did and said to me. But other than that I feel kinda numb. I see by all his actions that he never loved me, but I can't help but wonder if he's thinking of me. The one thing that he was always consistent with was talking to me for hours almost everyday even a little on weekends. So today is the first day of going back to my old life and it could be pretty monotonous. I keep reminding myself that life with xAP was also becoming very monotonous. He would never make any plans with me. I'm starting to feel bad that I ended things through text. I feel like that's what a jerky guy would do, however, I said over and over the things that I needed to stay in the relationship. I honestly just didn't feel like crying and saying them again. And by his response he was glad I ended it anyway. Did I do the right thing ending it that way? And why don't I feel much of anything? Thanks for listening to this ramble!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:22pm

I have recently just rejoined the boards after being away for a few years. I wanted to offer you my support. ( which I really do need to change my profile name)


There was nothing wrong with how you ended the A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:22pm
I am no veteran to this board, but I am 19 days NC today and can relate to your experience. Although I did see my xAP the day I ended it, I officially ended it via email. And honestly, I think that was best. It was a clean cut- no messy sobbing or irrational behavior to "go out with a bang." Just a well-thought out email that clearly stated it was over and that was it. I too felt a little numb the first hours (and maybe even first day) after I ended it, and with the exception of a few low points, I've felt better every day. Not being tied to my phone or longing to hear from him has been freeing. I find I am getting so much more done- my to do list, which had been piling up, has dwindled immensely. I feel effective and empowered. You will probably have ups and downs. Right now you are in shock. Just remember to come back here during those low points for support.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:25pm

Hi FMTSOM,


<>


There is no right or wrong way to end things. All As must end eventually. The fact that you took control of the situation and ended yours will help you get over it. When the other party ends it, it is always much harder. You did the best thing for yourself in the given circumstances so that makes it right.


<>


It is normal to be sad and get so use to building your day around waiting for xAP to contact you that it is not unusual to not know what to do with your day when he is not in it. Changing our mind set and behaviors means replacing old thoughts and behaviors with new ones.


Have you read the “Affirmations” thread in the Healing Library near the bottom of the main EAS page?

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:40pm

Foolmetwice, I am right there with you babe. Readjusting to life before the A can be SO excruciating. I am trying to be strong and discourage contact, but part of me yearns for him to message me like he used to. I miss it so much it hurts. Today has been especially difficult for me too. I got the dreaded, "you are right, you are being smarter/stronger about this than I am, it's the right thing to do," today and it broke my heart even more, even though my HEAD knows it's what I need to hear. My heart wants him to come crawling back and beg me to be with him again :(

It has to get better eventually, right? On the bright side, I'm not crying about it at work anymore. At least we're not spilling too many tears over these MM...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:49pm

We can be affair-ending buddies:-) I am feeling the same way as you; but that is part of the excitement and draw of an affair. The anticipation feelings were always there and now it is back to everyday life with no anticipation of that.


It is going to be hard...feeling numb right now is probably so normal, and there will be times when you just want to cry. Come here when you feel an urge to connect with him though...I plan to spend a LOT of time here. I already miss knowing that I won't talk to him tomorrow...that there won't be a message on my computer saying Good Night Sexy!

We will get through this though!

~ Loopy ~
~ Loopy ~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:11pm
Thanks Silverdoe! I see your in a lot of pain and I know that in time you will be okay. Of course those are only words and really don't help when your hurting. Each day you are taking back power that you didn't realize you had. Remember that you are strong even when you feel weak. Hold strong!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:16pm
Thanks Loopy I saw him after school today when I picked up my kids. I wanted to look at him so bad but I was afraid that he wouldn't look at me so I didn't. What's funny is the sight of his truck does something to me everytime. I will have to see him on and off until our kids graduate or one of us moves away. I just have to remind myself that he was a jerk a lot of the time. Let's take it one day at a time, shall we?