I'm an idiot. Friendship NOT possible
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I'm an idiot. Friendship NOT possible
| Mon, 11-22-2004 - 1:28pm |
Well, despite all of the advice telling me that friendship is not possible with an XMM, I still thought that it might be for me. I decided to call him just to say hello and state the case that I hope we could someday be friends. Well...that was a very, very BAD idea. He was rude, distant, mean, and condescending to me. I ended up getting upset and looking like a complete idiot. Now I've give him the power again. Now I feel like the sad loser in all of this b/c he has the ability to make me feel this way. I was just trying to take the high road and wish for a positive working relationship with him, but now I feel like I'm back to square one. How can someone just cut off feelings for another person after 2 years? I know that I'm having trouble, but he's obviously not. I am so mad and disappointed in myself right now. I feel like going home, crawling under the covers, and staying there for a week. I guess I have to start right now with NC...again. The next time I feel like calling or seeing him, I need to remember how I'm feeling right now.
I just wanted to confess that I caved in...but I won't do it again.
I just wanted to confess that I caved in...but I won't do it again.

I totally agree with you and understand where you are coming from. I work with my guy, luckily the affair ended about 4 months ago and I wasn't in the office but now I am back. Up until one month ago I thought I was still in love with him. I broke down and told him, silly me. Since I last vented I don't feel the same way just discust with myself. How could I let myself get caught up in such a mess. He wanted to be friends and so did I, but I realized that wasn't possible I cared about him too much. Time heals but man is it hard. I can look at him today with such hate which probably isn't a good thing. He never wears the ties I bought him, when we do talk I wonder if he remembers things the way I do. Probably not because he is man with a lowsy memory. I feel your pain and I am sorry. I am also really angry guess I am not over the whole thing.
(((((IVHappiness)))))
I know that pitted feeling you get when someone you care about treats you like pond scum, so I am sending you a BIG HUG. Remember, HE is the one with the issues who once upon a time decided to bring you along for the ride. It's time to hop the next horse out of DODGE, and never look back. Weren't you the one who's counselor told her to "FOCUS" on HERself? You know you can do this. I don't know why we women crucify ourselves with the ridiculous concept that hurting someone is "SO NOT NICE", so I'll reach out to him one more time with the friendship ring....NOT!!! These jerks don't want friendship. They want a playmate: No strings, no nonsense and no noise relationships for pure "Adult Entertainment."
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Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and resume NC position pronto!! ;) Trust me, down the road he will contact you again with something completely stupid or you'll run into him in the elevator, or whatever (you work in the same building?), so start preparing now to offer the coldest shoulder in history and remember YOUR words:
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NO ONE deserves to be humiliated when they're just trying to be civil. Shame on him for being such a loser.
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