I'm just so mad!
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| Sat, 12-19-2009 - 5:09pm |
He had me fooled for so long (2 years!).
My situation is a tad different than most on this board because for 1) xAP lied to me about being married, 2) he's a compulsive liar beyond just having an affair...
He lied to me about working at a government job. He was unemployed during our entire time together! For example, there were days when he couldn't hang out with me because he was working...in actuality he wasn't working but at home! I mean, I felt bad that he worked so hard (poor guy), and that he wanted to spend time with me but couldn't. Now I come to realize he could have but he chose to not spend time with me!
He had me believe he wasn't computer savvy and that myspace and facebook were for kids. but in actuality he has a profile for both social sites.
It disgusts me to know that 'I thought I was special' and was the only OW. But in fact, on his myspace page he has tons of PORN STARS...and girls that belong on 'Girls Gone Wild'. His Wife told me he's been in contact with these girls, and these girls sent him nude pixs of themselves to his cell phone. EWWWW!!!!!
Never in a million years have I imagined being with such a pervert! a pervert that believes "p&ssy is p&ssy" and would do anything that walks.
I was nothing 'special' to him. I was just a random girl that devoted my two years to adoring and loving him when he used me. He made time for me 'only' when he thought he could 'get some'.
He gave me her used lingerie and her used teddy bears. EW!
He doesn't even have the decency to apologize or admit to all the lies he told me. I mean I had to get closure from his wife, not him. After talking to his wife, he called me to tell me he's never calling me again and for me to 'save my breathe' when I started yelling at him because he doesn't want to hear it and doesn't care what I think or that I'm mad... I mean he doesn't give a rats ass that he ruined me and destroyed something sacred to me...he can't even talk to me about this. Won't even give me the time of day! A$$!!
Why did I tolerate this for so long? I thought in the end it 'would all be worth it'. Well, I'm glad that he's her problem and not mine anymore. I'm just having a hard time seeing him for who he is and remembering/mourning the person 'I thought' he was.
KWIM?

when did you have this convo with him? did you break NC? I know your situation, let me know if you want to talk off the board. but if not, here it is
U need to never contact him or wife ever again, block every way he can contact you. Everyway she can contact you.
U r mad, U r hurt and you are angry. I get it. U know my story is similar...no I did not invest all the time you did, but hurt is hurt, pain is pain, lying is lying, I felt the way you did last week, early in the week. I was very upset...It is normal. But its part of the process.
Use this a motivation to heal and recover. focus on you, and I did not know I was in an affair, I thought I was different too. I thought maybe I belonged on a different board. But in the end, its all the same crap. We want answers and we may never get em, and that hurts, there is no closure. we try it and it backfires and makes us hurt more.
thats what sounds like happened....dont know cant tell from your post...NC = no new hurts.
and why do you expect an apology? this man has no respect for you or any other women, u r asking to get water out of a rock...and would an apology even if you got one be sincere? would it make you feel better? No it wouldnt.
I am sorry you are mad, and I am sorry this is hard on you, there is no happy ending here. only time
I have felt better and better each day....there are times when the lies hit me so hard I get so angry and then I say why i am even wasting energy on this. The lies sting. They hurt like hell. But you cant dwell in them....go thru it and then stop wasting negative energy on him
U know he is not wasting it on you....and know this he is not happy...
someone wrote this on this board and it helps me everyday....very powerful, read it chant it when you think of him...it helps me
"When you pull back another layerof someone like the MM exAP, you find a really insecure man who has to have the adoration of not just one woman, but multiple. He can't stand to be alone. Weak. Insecure. Morally bankrupt."
this helps me so much....i dont even feel sorry for em...I just know him for what he is. Weak and Insecure....
Thanks Sienna,
But no I did not break NC. I did not talk to him. I am talking to his W and this is my choice. I will end communication when I am ready and hopefully it will be soon.
I am not hurting per se as you are hurting. I understand the feelings that you are feeling because I was in your shoes a few months ago. The pain, the agonizing, the hurt, the betrayal I know them all. Hang in there. You're doing GREAT and better than I did when I found out the truth. You are strong and you will rise above all this. Hang in there! =)
Like I said before, I'm really over all those feelings...being in a relationship for 2 years and being in the ups and downs...I'm sort of numb to the pain. Not sure if its good or bad. I don't miss him because there is nothing to miss.
Like I said, I'm just really pissed off at him and myself. But no use in looking backwards, I need to look forward.
I'm not expecting an apology from him...it just amazes me that people can be so cruel. Guess this whole situation is a wake up call.
Honestly, I'm thankful for my experience because before I was naive but now I'm much stronger. So some good is out of it all.
Thanks again for your reply. :o) I do hope you do well and ignore that other woman and change your number.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N