I'm not angry anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
I'm not angry anymore
3
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 6:06am

I wish i was still angry it drives me, it makes me not want him back, staying angry would of helped so much but now I'm weepy. I cried for hours last night, took something to help me sleep, sleep was my only escape cuz the minute i woke up i felt like I was punched in the gut and i started crying. This right here is the part i don't want to go through. The feeling not good enough and all the other stuff it hurts. Its tg and once again I'm not going to be fully present and ya i know it's a choice but i would choose not to cry if i could.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 2:06pm

Hey looking...sorry you are having such a rough time. It does get better...I swear.  I cried...and cried...and cried..and cried. Ocassionally I still get weepy..but last night? I had a piece of ceiling tile in my eye (long story). I was driving home from work and wanted to cry. I tried so hard to cry so I could get that piece of tile out of my eye. And you know what? I couldn't. I flat out could not find anything to cry about. I tried traumatic childhood memories, adolscent stuff...loss of close family and friends..my own betrayal...xAP. Nothing. So hang in there chica, it does get better.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 2:31pm

(((LFH)))

I'm sorry you are so sad today.  Cry if you must...for as long as you need.  I understand how we all want to avoid this part...the inevitable part.  I figure it's one of the main reasons people delay their ending.  Unfortunately, it is a part of the grieving process and you just have to go through it.

And, you are right, we don't always have a say as to when the damn breaks.  However, we can choose to let them flow, blow our nose, wipe away the tears, wash our face and get on with our day as best we can.  You may have to do this a couple of times throughout the day.

Maybe you can take a drive, to get some alone time to let it all hang out...if you can, I'm sure you will feel better...crying is very cathartic.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 1:11am
I spent alot of time in the bathroom and took a drive two days crying my eyes hurt they physically hurt. I stayed pretty present during family dinner time was even enjoying then his wife text and he was behind it trying to interact, it made me cry again.. I smoked to dammit why is he the biggest cig trigger ever. I feel as if they go together. Hmm that reminds me he once told me he's addicted to sex like i am cigs its hard to give up (that was one of our many toxic arguments over why did he have sex with her when he did almost everyday with me and was claiming it was only me he wanted. Oh the point he saidhe was a sex addict and how stupid am i? I'm not crying now i think there was a shift now that I'm thinking about that.