I'm officially a stalker

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
I'm officially a stalker
3
Sat, 11-27-2004 - 10:00pm
I am so pathetic. Still no word from MM. I have no idea why he hasn't contacted me. I still have no idea what is going on. I KNOW that if he was able to contact me, he would, even if he agreed to NC and decided to stay. I went over to my girlfriends house tonight and we watched movies and had dinner. It was a fun night, until on my way home I decided to drive by his house. Not sure why I would do such a crazy thing. I knew he'd be there. Where else would he be since he's not with me? I thought I would be fine. But just seeing his car in the driveway took my breath away. It felt like reality kicking me in the heart. All the lights were on. I couldn't see them but I can just picture them laughing and joking with eachother. Do you think everything is just jolly over there already? I cried all the way home. And I thought I was at peace with this. I just need to hear him say it's over. Then I can get on with my life. I need HIM to end it!!!! Sorry for feeling sorry for myself tonight. I did a dumb thing by "stalking" tonight. Can't wait for this weekend to be over :(
Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-27-2004 - 10:14pm
I did a dumb thing this week too. Its funny, these things we do just hurt us, so why do we do them? Maybe by doing them and feeling the hurt, it actually does help us to put an end to our feelings. We get to the point where we feel we must reclaim our dignity, as it just gets hard to look at yourself in the mirror. I know that XOM has truly seen me at my lowest (as far as looking like a desparate lunatic). I finally got to the point where I thought - If I care about this man at all, don't I at least want him to remember me well? Don't I want him to watch me walk away with grace rather than clinging to his pantleg refusing to let go. I'd rather be the one that 'just didn't work out because of timing' rather than the 'biggest mistake of his life'.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sat, 11-27-2004 - 10:31pm

Hugs to you Pal

Don't feel too bad, HE didn't know you drove by and at least you didn't call him.

I know I would do this at some point, if my xMM didn't live an hour away.

Hopefully, he will be man enough to give you his answer by monday. Free has knocked some sense into me this weekend, you may want to read some of her posts, they will make you cry but they are honest and true. You are so right the weekends suck, I remember looking forward to weekends...I long for that simplicity again.

Hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 12:05am
Pal,
don'
You're giving him all the power. You need to take it back! You don't need him to say it's over. You have that power yourself. You can do this. People are doing it every day on these boards, you can too. You just need to do it. And keep your resolve.