My heart aches for you too. Surely you have to realize how self destructive you are being. Surely you must realize how much control you are allowing him to have... and I say allowing because you truly do have a choice and you need to start believing that. You need to start believing in yourself that you are strong enough to do this. You need to start self protecting honey- you really do. Stop touching the hot stove. Start acting with dignity and self respect- you know those things you wanted to get back? Nothing good will come of doing drive bys
KS, I don't think you need a flogging, you need a hug. (((HUG))) I, too, did the "looking for the clown" routine, and a lot later in my ending process than you are now. Chalk it up to another lesson learned (hopefully you _did_ learn your lesson). The timing of your lapse makes me think that perhaps your T sessions are stirring up a lot of emotion that might be difficult to handle, especially after the T says "times up" -- then you're kicked out into the real world, all raw and emo - left on your own to deal with all the feelings that have come to the surface. Why don't you make a date for coffee with a trusted g-friend or someone for immediately after your T sessions? Just a thought.
Hmmmm.....your M is on life support, your H may be moving out, your kid/kids are devastated and hurt by your behavior, and you are out stalking the man who had a hand in all of this? Someone needs to get their priorities straight but I'll cut you a little slack because that fog you are in must be super thick. Makes it difficult to even walk a straight line. ;-)
I like Dee's idea about having plans after a T session. That will divert your attention from
My Dear Keep,
It sure sucks and my heart goes out to (((you))).
KS-
My heart aches for you too. Surely you have to realize how self destructive you are being. Surely you must realize how much control you are allowing him to have... and I say allowing because you truly do have a choice and you need to start believing that. You need to start believing in yourself that you are strong enough to do this. You need to start self protecting honey- you really do. Stop touching the hot stove. Start acting with dignity and self respect- you know those things you wanted to get back? Nothing good will come of doing drive bys
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
KS,
I don't think you need a flogging, you need a hug. (((HUG)))
I, too, did the "looking for the clown" routine, and a lot later in my ending process than you are now. Chalk it up to another lesson learned (hopefully you _did_ learn your lesson). The timing of your lapse makes me think that perhaps your T sessions are stirring up a lot of emotion that might be difficult to handle, especially after the T says "times up" -- then you're kicked out into the real world, all raw and emo - left on your own to deal with all the feelings that have come to the surface. Why don't you make a date for coffee with a trusted g-friend or someone for immediately after your T sessions? Just a thought.
Love to you, KS. You're going to be ok.
Dee
KS,
Hmmmm.....your M is on life support, your H may be moving out, your kid/kids are devastated and hurt by your behavior, and you are out stalking the man who had a hand in all of this? Someone needs to get their priorities straight but I'll cut you a little slack because that fog you are in must be super thick. Makes it difficult to even walk a straight line. ;-)
I like Dee's idea about having plans after a T session. That will divert your attention from
~Iddy~
Once again, thank you!