I'm so angry today!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
I'm so angry today!
5
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 3:19pm

So I've been feeling pretty good lately (just made it past 1 week of NC) but today I'm SO angry with my xAP.  Ugh.   Today I just feel so much anger towards him for hurting me, for dragging me along, and then at the end sitting there telling me how much he loves me, is in love with me, but cannot do anything to change the situation.  Shame on me too, I know I contributed to the A too.  Just mad today, wishing I could scream at him and see the hurt look in his face as I do. Frown

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 9:43am

Setting up a gmail, yahoo, hotmail account and emailing it daily with your thoughts, is a good way to keep it hidden and not available to anyone but you.

Wordpress is also a good place get your feelings and thoughts out and is good therapy.

I am sure there are many other ways too. 

All are good and SAFE from prying eyes.

 

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 9:20am

Thank you everyone Smile  I am glad I can come here now and let it out, it does help me feel better.  Keeping it all inside is tough.  I am feeling better today, but yesterday really sucked.  I was mad at myself and him as well.  Didn't feel at all like contacting him, just wishing I could yell at him!  I still know that NC is best and as the time passes it seems to get easier.  I wish I could journal but I dont trust leaving anything anywhere...so I guess I'm coming here for now! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 6:19pm
Congratulations on over 1 week NC! I think anger is a very important component of healing. It knocks off a piece of the "fantasy" of the affair and grants us a certain amount of clarity to the truthfulness of that relationship. Anger affords us the opportunity not only to "point-the-finger" at someone else, but to look within ourselves and take responsibility and accountability for our choices. Being lied to in an intimate relationship is a betrayal, but being lied to in a relationship based on lies is a big chunk to swallow. I hope you will be able to find some peace as you focus on your growth and reclaim the power within yourself. Best, p
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 5:55pm

Absolutely part of the process, Changed.  You'll be going through the gamut of emotions...so you just got to embrace them to get through them.  We don't want to see you get stuck in anger for too long, but for now, just go with it.  Got a pillow you can punch out?

As long as you don't act upon any of these feelings, you're going to be alright.

Like E1 suggested, journal it out and let it all hang out.  Journalling is a safe way to get those feelings out of you.  You can be as sad, glad, mad, murderous as you want.  Of course, just don't leave it lying around for someone to happen upon it.  If that's a possibility, you can always just write it down and then burn it into the Universe.  I did that a lot.  Even though I was single and no one would run across it, what if I died?  So I journalled and burned...journalled and burn. The neighbors must have thought I was nuts..."there she is...burning something again."

Glad you came here...because you can let it all hang out here too :)

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 5:08pm

Hi Changed,

Anger is one of the stages of grieving for many. It’s ok to be mad and angry as long as you don’t let those feelings overtake you. Acknowledge them, journal about them but don’t let them take over your entire day or weekend from you. Those feelings are part of a bigger whole.

It’s great that you checked in today to let us know where you are at in your journey.  Scream here and get it out!

Hugz,

E1

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.