im so broken hearted
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im so broken hearted
| Wed, 06-15-2005 - 2:43am |
Hello everybody,its my first time posting here,I've been reading thes post for almost a year,and i am in almost every history I read,I see myself.Im triyng to end my EMA of almost ten years.We've been together on and off for 10 years.My life now,its so sad i really wanna end this.He is a MM and I have a good partner in my life,my partner and I have been together for 8 years,we have a son and I have a daughter from a previous marriage>my MM is in his second marriage and have a daughter with current wife and a son from previous M.Im sorry is this is so long,but I need to tell somebody >I love him so much and he tells me the same,but today he told me he doesnt leave his marriage because he loves her too,he said he loves us both.and i feel so hurt because all thes time he told me he was with her because he did not want to abandon his daughter like he feels,he did with his son. I have been living in a fantasy world and i need to get out of these lies.I told him today goodbye forever and hung up the phone and he did not call me back and we have talked so many times of ending these that im so afraid that these is the end.I call him at his hotel room,by the way we live in different countries and when he is working in north america,that is when we communicate more,via phone,internet etc,My head hurt so much,I've been crying all afternoon,anyways i call and he did not answer and i know this has to end but at the same time i want to continue...I dont Know what to do. if someone has an opinion i will really aprecciated...thanks so much...

I am sorry for your pain.
The ending process needs to start, you know it. You will not be able to go without pain. Let that begin so you can get through it and BEYOND it. If you don't participate in its ENDING, you will always be in this painful situation. Think of it that way. YOU need to start ending it SO THAT YOU won't be in so much pain 6 months from now. If you don't start dealing with ending it ...you will ALWAYS be in pain. Pain now means happiness later.
So your choices really are ....pain now...or pain later. 9 years ago...did you imagine pain still...NOW? Do you want 10 MORE years of pain? Ask yourself that when you ask yourself what to do.
Wisdom, clarity and strength to you,
Lizzie
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>
Repeat this line over and over - let it become like a "mantra" for you. Until you can feel a deep & intense sense of shame and repulsion for the lifestyle that you alone have CHOSEN for yourself - until this pain is stronger than the pain of missing "how he makes you feel" (Notice- I do not say missing "HIM") - you will not have the capacity to truly END it once and for all.
BTDT
7 years of fantasy world
75 days (and counting) back in reality
Keep on posting - we're all listening and please don't mistake our hard earned "truths" as judgement.
(((HUGS)))
ARTIST