I'm stupid!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
I'm stupid!!!!
3
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 6:28am

I posted here one other time about my thinking that XMM had an emotional attachment to me. Well long story short. After still communicating with him all this time, I finally told him yesterday that I cannot be in an affair anymore. He never offered me anything in this relationship other than plenty of phone conversation, and a some stolen minutes of his time when it was convenient for him. I knew going into this that is was just about the sex, or filling the void we each have at home. But we fell in love. I told him that I am not emotionally strong enough to handle this anymore, I complained some that I don't get him, like his friends do, we never share holidays together, o anything. Basically I felt that for me is was just time to go. ( I have tried this many times before, only for him to come back to me). I told him that I would be willing to have a friendship, just so I would know how he was doing. and if life allowed it, in the future, for me to be his "girl" again. I think I really screwed up, showing my weekness to him. But That's just the kind of person I am.

He told me: He wasn't trying to hurt my home life, never made promises of any commitment to me, said he just wanted to be a part of my life and in my heart. I have a pretty active social life and alot of flexability and freedom to come and go in my marriage. He even mentioned that,and I wouldn't have to make excuses as to why I wasn't home while seeing him.

Guilt is a heavy burden to carry. The feeling of it just wore me out. I told him how I honestly felt about him. Yes I told him I loved him, and all that stuff. Why do I feel like such a "bad person" right now, when knowing deep down inside I'm doing the right thing for me??

I don't know if I'll hear from him again. I was just as honest and compassionate as I could be to him yesterday. I hope these "bad person" feelings fade fast.

Thanks for letting me vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 8:45am
You're certainly not stupid, as the title of your post suggests. You just got emotionnally attached to a guy and realized that you can't go on. What you did was actually very smart. Your post could have been written by me, I especially emphasize with the 'guilt wearing you down' part. The only difference with me is that I still haven't told the MM that this A can't go on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 5:40pm

Thank you Kath..For your response. He called me a while ago. Asking me to "not give up on us". Like he has all the MANY times before. (That man has been chasing after me for about 3 years now and I really think he has an emotional attachment to me that he really feels he needs to hold onto.) Insecure? Yes he is. Manipulative? Yes cause like so many times before--I fell back into the "affair cycle". He cries his love for me and keeps saying over and over how he needs me in his life. I know it is not for sex, because he does not get any from me, but he does ask for it all the time. I refuse. He still tries to keep holding onto me.

Crazy thinking I know....But maybe, just maybe he does love me. Realistic thinking...Probably not like he wants me to believe. Stupid on my part...But I love him with all my heart. LOVE JUST ISN'T SUPPOSE TO BE THIS CRAZY!!!!!

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 6:16pm

FSS

"He cries his love for me and keeps saying over and over how he needs me in his life. I know it is not for sex, because he does not get any from me, but he does ask for it all the time. I refuse. He still tries to keep holding onto me."

This man is motivated solely by self interest , it is about HIM and what he wants and has nothing to do with you.

What are your motives for allowing this to go on what are you getting out of it, one giant ego stroking ???, is it really worth what it could end up costing you.

Have you measured the price you have already payed for this attention ??

Free