I'm such a loser...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
I'm such a loser...
9
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 12:00am
I am probably gonna get reamed for this on this board...but remember this is an addiction and I totally feel out of control right now. But I am still here because I know the right thing to do is just end it and stop. You know I have LC because we do work in the same building. Today I needed to conduct some business in one of the back offices and HE happened to be working in there today. I pretty much ignored him that he was there...and I felt his eyes on me the whole time. I have to tell you that it was like an alcoholic looking at a bottle of gin. I was getting butterflies in my stomach...I kept the no contact thing for a week. I know he is wondering why the texts stopped. After my business was done, he was on the phone the whole time I was in there, I turned around and walked out. You should have seen his face! It was like I just did the worst thing in the world. Later, I was going down to get breakfast and I ran into him in the hall...and I asked him if he wanted me to get him breakfast while I was down there. (Stupid!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:10am

Okay...here's the ream:


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 3:40am

Yup, Clarity pretty much said it all...

Sunny, by your post, it seems to me that you "want' and are liking the attention you're receiving from your xAP. You may say you want to end it...but by your words, you're describing it like you're trying to convince yourself that he is thinking of you (you're phrase, "His eyes were on me") clued me in.

If you want to end it, then do so, don't ask him for lunch! Or accept a ride from him. And I tend to disagree that to go NC we just do it. I think you have to TELL your AP that you are done with him so he knows what's going on, instead of you just ignoring him. That is plain rude and immature (not directing it at you, but the 'rules' on this board)... as adults, its best to inform the AP that we're ready to end the affair and move on...THEN initiate No Contact. So he knows what's going on.

So please TELL him that you want to end it and keep it strictly professional.

Best of luck!

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"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 7:11am

Mom,


I'm with Clariry all the way on this one. She took the words right out of my mind:


<said the words to him about it having to end and having to maintain just a

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 4:21pm

Read your post this a.m. and didn't have time to respond, BUT I hope I'm not too late ;)


Look...EA's are PAINFUL enough in their own right, but let me share something w/ you that I instinctively knew and hearing it from my T re:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 5:55pm
Thank you all...for the tough love and for the support. I think my hormones are getting the best of me. I have NOT worked up the courage to come out and tell him that we have to stop. And I think a part of me DOES want to continue. That is the "devil" on the left. The "angel" on the right is telling me to stay on this board and listen to all of you. I realize that for the man, it is not as emotional for them as it is for us. You are right hardhabit-I would attach my soul more than I have already. The whole thing wreaks of heartbreak..for me. I could lose my H, my family, my "self", my integrity. This is NOT who I am. I have NEVER had an affair of any kind until the EA. I feel like a loser because I feel weak...I am naturally a strong person! But he is my friend. I am an idiot for letting it get this far, because I will end up losing that friendship. This makes me sick inside. I don't want to be on MAS. I want to be here with you all..I think it is a healthier board to be a part of. I am working through the difficulty. My heart is being ripped out. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 6:41pm
No you are not a loser....you are human. You know I was involved in an EA for close to 3 years. I am no longer in it but b/c we are family friends we are attached still. I understand when you said that you don't want to lose this friendship. I have tried so hard to just put my feelings away and allow us to go back to being the fun friends we were. It is so hard to do. I can usually do it for a while but then I feel since we shared a closeness way back when that he owes me something and I end up wanting more, not getting it and then

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:07pm

My heart is being ripped out.


I don't think so, Mom...just more physical withdrawals.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:51pm
Boy withclarity...you're good. Can I take you to work with me?? I so needed to hear those words. And you know what?? You are sooo right!! About it all. There are feelings there...and mostly sexual like you are saying. I know from our conversation that his wife is a "cold fish" and I probably don't get the affection from my H that I crave. This guy is giving me that and I am eating it up. So is he. We will end up fulfilling our sexual desires and then feel worse for it. I have "Bob", "Ken", "John", and "Phil" in my nightstand
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 1:12am

You're welcome, Mom...and thank you for coming to your senses :)


Now you know the next thing you need to do and this is to bring this to a full and screeching halt.