I'm such a loser...
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I'm such a loser...
| Fri, 01-08-2010 - 12:00am |
I am probably gonna get reamed for this on this board...but remember this is an addiction and I totally feel out of control right now. But I am still here because I know the right thing to do is just end it and stop. You know I have LC because we do work in the same building. Today I needed to conduct some business in one of the back offices and HE happened to be working in there today. I pretty much ignored him that he was there...and I felt his eyes on me the whole time. I have to tell you that it was like an alcoholic looking at a bottle of gin. I was getting butterflies in my stomach...I kept the no contact thing for a week. I know he is wondering why the texts stopped. After my business was done, he was on the phone the whole time I was in there, I turned around and walked out. You should have seen his face! It was like I just did the worst thing in the world. Later, I was going down to get breakfast and I ran into him in the hall...and I asked him if he wanted me to get him breakfast while I was down there. (Stupid!)

Okay...here's the ream:
Yup, Clarity pretty much said it all...
Sunny, by your post, it seems to me that you "want' and are liking the attention you're receiving from your xAP. You may say you want to end it...but by your words, you're describing it like you're trying to convince yourself that he is thinking of you (you're phrase, "His eyes were on me") clued me in.
If you want to end it, then do so, don't ask him for lunch! Or accept a ride from him. And I tend to disagree that to go NC we just do it. I think you have to TELL your AP that you are done with him so he knows what's going on, instead of you just ignoring him. That is plain rude and immature (not directing it at you, but the 'rules' on this board)... as adults, its best to inform the AP that we're ready to end the affair and move on...THEN initiate No Contact. So he knows what's going on.
So please TELL him that you want to end it and keep it strictly professional.
Best of luck!
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
Mom,
I'm with Clariry all the way on this one. She took the words right out of my mind:
<said the words to him about it having to end and having to maintain just a
~Iddy~
Read your post this a.m. and didn't have time to respond, BUT I hope I'm not too late ;)
Look...EA's are PAINFUL enough in their own right, but let me share something w/ you that I instinctively knew and hearing it from my T re:
My heart is being ripped out.
I don't think so, Mom...just more physical withdrawals.
You're welcome, Mom...and thank you for coming to your senses :)
Now you know the next thing you need to do and this is to bring this to a full and screeching halt.