I'm unhappy now too!
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| Sun, 07-11-2004 - 7:51am |
Now I've come to find out he's dating someone. I guess I was banking on time, fate, and our attraction to each other that something would come of this. Now I feel worthless, hopeless. Was I obsessed? Yes! I'm a little like the other poster "Kerry". He made me happy when I thought about him. He filled a void in my life that I didn't have. Now I feel like I have nothing. I don't have him anymore to make me happy. I've left a bad marriage, I gave up a beautiful home, and now live in an apartment. I know I need to forget about him but how do you do that when you don't want to because it brings joy to your life when that's the only joy you have? Now I'm thinking about just going back and living the hell I lived before. I was like "Kerry" too. I was always strong. Didn't need anybody. Always picked myself up. Apparently I need somebody to just love me. My H loves me but he doesn't know how. He's controlling, possessive, verbally abusive. I guess my H's heart is breaking because I left like mine is breaking for this OM. I feel like I'm being punished.
How do you get over this when you don't want to? I know I need to stop going to the same Sunday services as he does. That's where I see him every week, besides around town; but it's like an addiction. Again, how do you get over something when that's the only thing that kept you going to put happiness in your life? I think I'm nuts. And I sit here still thinking that maybe fate and time can still play a part. I never wanted a relationship with this OM. I just wanted to go out with him now and then and have fun. I enjoyed being with him and talking with him when we would be together (around other people). We connected. But again, it was an emotional affair for me. But I ask why did he keep up the attraction too if nothing was ever going to come of this? I fell for him hook, line, and sinker. I can't go into details of all our chance meetings and occurrences. I've written way too much now. But I swear I'm not crazy (but am now) and the attraction was there. I just don't want to get over it. I could just throw up. It makes me sick to know that I fell into this....strong-willed me, let my guard down, and fell into this.
Please help me with some advice.
Happy

Now, this emotional affair thingy that has you down and out. Ok, so he started dating. So what? Has he told you he doesn't want to see or talk to you anymore? You didn't mention that. If you have never crossed the line sexually, why are you afraid of losing this friendship? Are you sure that is all you wanted from this man? By your words, apparently he is attracted to you. My guess would be the "baggage" you still have surrounding your separation is what is scaring him off. Honey, YOU ARE NOT READY to be involved romantically with anyone. There is nothing wrong with daydreaming. There is nothing bad about wanting attention and be noticed. You are playing the "Devil's advocate" You are not FREE yet from your past yet, and you wouldn't be any good to anyone right now. Maybe he senses that....
The biggest mistake you can make right now is going back to the husband just because now you feel alone and/or guilty for leaving him. The only consideration you should give regarding this is if HUBBY gets counseling, a clean bill of mental health, and can prove to you that he is worthy of you. That could take months, years. Are you willing to wait that long? Do you still love him? You have a lot of soul searching to do. Mind boggling thoughts over a 10-year younger - maybe likes me - man, is totally counterproductive to what you should be doing with your life at this time.
You have a daughter that needs a mother who has her head screwed on straight. Set aside your wants and needs long enough to see the whole picture. SHE needs you far more than you need an abusive husband and a backward younger man. There will be plenty of opportunties in the future to find Mr. Wonderful, but he is going to pass you right by if he can't see that strong, beautiful woman that you really are, under all of this muck.
*****It makes me sick to know that I fell into this....strong-willed me, let my guard down, and fell into this****
You are only human. WE ALL goof up sometimes. Stop dwelling on the pain of yesterday and instead begin to learn from it. You are strong and you ARE loved. Just look into your daughter's eyes if you need validation...
ID
Not only did I find out he was dating someone, but he also was dating someone a while back that was "separated, older" and she had children also. Maybe it's a thing that he does because of his young, insecurities. I fell for him though. The attraction was there for both of us. I just don't know what his ideas were and never will know unless it's meant to be.
You're right. I'll try not to waste my time and energy, and the key word is "try", on a fantasy, emotional romance that may never be. I told myself from the beginning when he started these little flirts that he and I would never get together because of who he is. Yet I kept falling because of the screwed up marriage I was in. And he knew I was in a screwed up marriage and was very unhappy and vulnerable.
I should have known. I could just kick myself. Thanks for your support. I do need to focus on repairing my relationship with my teenage daughter. That's another mess in itself. I need to devote my time and energy to her. She does love me and I need to help her understand the relationship I don't have with her father anymore.
If I get screwed up again with this emotional mess, can I come back here for support? It's not an affair so to speak but yet it is. I guess it's a romance I created in my mind. I need to get my mind screwed back on right.
Thanks again.
Happy