Imagine! I feel bad about this!
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| Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:36pm |
So, now, i haven't heard from him at all (there is a pretty sticky problem i am having with my asst. coach who has rubbed some of the kids and parents on my team the wrong way).
So, in my distorted, stupid way of thinking, I think he is not connecting with me on this because i perhaps treated him rudely at the field the other day. What in the hell is wrong with my thinking? This is a man who has basically gone out of his way to ignore me for months now--watched me struggle to carry pounds of equipment to my car without offering help--hasn't responded back to my replies of his messages that there are some important life changes going on with me (both professionally and personally) and I FEEL BAD I BLEW HIM OFF AT THE STUPID LITTLE LEAGUE FIELD!
Venting. Angry at myself that i even think this way! I do see my T tomorrow and i am reading my new book about all the distorted thinking i do. I just have to stop thinking the thoughts i have and take control of my life again. I do not understand, AT ALL, the obsession i have over this man and i am so, frankly, sick of it today, i can't see straight.
I am sorry to vent. I am just so tired of all of this!!! MaybeKatie is right: i have to work on pushing these negative thoughts out of my head.
Clarice
Edited 5/18/2004 1:39 pm ET ET by claricews

I had to respond to your post. I have always thought the way you described. So concerned about everyone elses feeling, no matter how I am treated. You are not alone in this. In my case it has alot to do with issues from childhood (being the daughter of a woman who had me at 20 with a married man I think set me up for low self esteem, ecspecially because my mom was, and continues to be unbelievably critical of me). I'm not sure what the answer is on how to change our way of thinking, it won't be an easy thing to change, but therapy is such a great start. I wish I had a magic pill to take for us!! Hang in there!! Just remember how worthy you are of being treated well too!!
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige