Impact on me compared to XMM
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Impact on me compared to XMM
| Wed, 04-14-2004 - 12:43pm |
what makes me crazy is that the emotional A that i had with XMM seems to have not affected his life at all, while my A helped push my H into his own A; and i live with all of that daily, still!
I drove by my XMM's house in December --we live close togehter, but i never do this. His house was ablaze with lights and people and festitvitiy and fun. My house is like a morgue! everyone is sooo unhappy.
I took our A seriously; it has changed my life--temporarily for the worse, but hopefully in the future, i will have learned something from it.
The A has had a huge impact on my life. Apparently, not so much with him. I don't know. it just makes me mad. I don't mean him harm--and i certainly don't want XMM to go thru what i have been going thru, but i don't know, it just hurts that i still hurt and he seems to have moved on.
Lessons learned.
Clarice

I know how you feel right now...as I have been in that same place, as I am sure many of the women have been. What you must realize is that by having the affair, you were using your exMM to stop the pain in your life, by not dealing directly with what needed to be dealt with. There are some wounds in the marriage that were covered up by the bandage of the affair. When you recognize that you and ONLY YOU can create your own happiness, you'll find that your ability to let go of the situation, of the emotions (the anger, the hurt) increases. Slowly, but surely. As you work on yourself, you'll find that you will view the affair with much more clarity and see it for what it was. It doesn't mean that you won't have days where you will miss, because you will (we are human)....but its just not as painful.
I just posted this website to another on this board, but I'll throw it in here as well in case you don't read that post.
www.joy2meu.com
There is a LOT of stuff in there that may (or may not) help you deal with your current emotions.
big hugs
dharma
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
He had every single thing i wanted: and i could not have any of it. I wouldn't have been attracted to him without these institutions surrounding him: his amazing family connections; his place in our community; his work with his church.
if we had ever been together, he wouldn't have been those things; and if we were together now, all those things would fall away and he would only be a shadow of himself.
Each day, i go between loving him and hating him. I swing back and forth wildly. I love him and i hate him. I hate he was put in my life to point out only what i don't have.
Why, why, why? why did this all happen?
It is sad, Karry. It's very very sad.
Clarice
In the end, my OM wasn't who envisioned at all really, we probably wouldn't have had the life I thought we would have. He would have always seen me as a cheater and a liar and I think he would never have had complete trust in me. But it doesn't stop me from loving him and hating him, from missing him and cursing the day I met him all at the same time.
I hope that these men were put in our lives for a purpose. I hate that knowing him has caused me to have to face what is lacking in my life every single day. And to make things more complicated I still can't make life decisions because my self esteem is at an all time low and I doubt every decision I make.
I'm not sure if you can relate to alot of this rambling. But thanks for posting things that make me feel as if I am not alone!!
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
It'd be nice to know that you at least made a ripple in his life, wouldn't it? You know that you did, but I believe that men are just better able to compartmentalize their feelings than woman are. (This seems to be theme with me today since I wrote exactly that in an earlier post.)
I feel your pain.