Impending Doom
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| Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:25pm |
Today was a tough day, yesterday I was so strong and today I was just depressed....and tomorrow don't look good either. Tomorrow I have decided to end it ...finished ...done, and hopefully I will feel better. I have not had contact with MM for a week which is unusual, considering we talk and see each other almost everyday except weekends. He took 5 sick days I think he went away and the week before was supposed to take a half a day to be with me but said his boss wouldnt let him, now I definitely don't believe him. You would think I would have gotten a phone call or a card via email for easter, no such luck..I believe in actions speaking louder than words and his actions these last 7 days have spoken volumes to me. I am a part of his work day, a convience nothing more, and the realization hurts like I have never felt before.....I promised him a year, and tomorrow I am going to ask him if he has even done one thing that would bring us closer to the forever he seems to want, because I don't see it, and I sure as hell don't feel it....I need the strength to walk away because the highs are incredibly high but the lows are the fires of hell....Is love really worth all this.....
Free I could use a few of your words right now, I have read alot of your posts and you seem to have incredible insight...
Imagine

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Gineus
>>"I believe in actions speaking louder than words and his actions these last 7 days have spoken volumes to me. I am a part of his work day, a convience nothing more,"<<
It seems to me that you already have pretty good handle on the truth, so what are you going to do with it, imbracing the truth can be damn painful but in the end it is also the most healing thing there is in the world even above "LOVE", reject the truth and you get to keep on living in that HELL and the hell periods will get longer and longer and the high periods will get shorter and shorter.
What is your GUT telling you to do, more often then not it is right.
Is it LOVE the high that has this grip on you ??
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO DON'T YOU !!
Free
Edited 3/29/2005 9:15 pm ET ET by mefreenow
imagine,
im sorry
<>
i dont think that it is love ( my opinion) i too tried to undestand the other person but could not, is it LOVE, i think NOT anymore, if they love us, they will be with US
my thoughts and prayers are with u in this trying times, we all in this !!!!
max
fallen but has gotten up
Is it LOVE the high that has this grip on you ??
Yes it is exactly it, it's the love high~and the words he says....he is smooth. I honestly am not a weak woman but I don't know if I am strong enough to out talk him. My instinct tells me I can no longer live like this, and that I deserve it all....Love doesnt have to be this painful or this lonely.....
My gut tells me this is the one, this is the one who was meant for me only wrong time wrong place in my life and his.....
Thank you for you words, I need all the encouragement I can get...I know what needs to be done....
Imagine
Gineus
>>"and the words he says....he is smooth. I honestly am not a weak woman but I don't know if I am strong enough to out talk him"<<
1)Smoothness is often a sign of experience, so has he done this sort of thing before ???
2)You don't hold a "Discussion" with him you just lay down the Law and then WAlk away.
SAVE YOURSELF NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU.
Free
1)Smoothness is often a sign of experience, so has he done this sort of thing before ???
Yes he has done this several times before, and yes I know I have researched it over analyzed it and I know in my heart what needs to be done.
Imagine
imagine,
i have the same sentiments exactly with OW, she is the ONE, yeah right !!!
its a fantasy we created for ourselves so we can be happy in that fantasy world, the truth is its not, i know its hard to think of it that way but after a while , u will get it, u cant imagine him or MM why he is like that, the fact is he does not want to be with u, if he truly loves u then he will be with u, not soon but now, yes they make claims like thier wife is sick, the kids are still young, all reasons, valid, i dont know ....
LOVE is COMMITMENT after all the HIGH and PASSION has mellowed out (jmho)
take care,
max
flame suit on
"Actions speak louder than words" No truer words were ever written. It's when I though those very things, I knew it was time to end it.
I can't lie, it's one of the hardest things you will ever have to do...to end it once and for all. But something just clicks and you say, "This is really enough. It ends now and I'm not looking back (hopefully)" I'll tell you the same things I told myself almost two months ago when I decided I was getting off this ride, "There is no reason not to contact me in this day and age of computers, cell phones, etc. We don't live anywhere near each other, if he was a smitten as he claimed, he would want contact with me at least every few days. He wouldn't say "I was busy or traveling so I didn't have the time." Bullsh!t plain and simple.
I wish you a world of strength and peace in ending your A. We all deserve so much more, someone who cares and shows they care on a regular basis.
Good luck and sending hugs
G
So you got sucked in a PLAYED by a PLAYER aka "A DOG", kick his flea bitten a$$ to the curb were he belongs.
Free
Hey there guys,
maybe i'm still a bit naive and hopeful (10 days out and staying strong with NC), but i think/hope one can accept the end of the A without necc hating the MM.
I gave a year of my time to a MM, who whilst he has his faults - nost notably the W!! was kind and loving and passionate and exciting for that time.
While recognising that this came to it's end, i don't want to hate him. i don't want to invalidate the choice i made and the feelings i had. i still love him, but recognise the situation is untenable.
Maybe this is because i'm still so close and sucked in, and recognise this is not for everyone but don't think hate should be the thing we automatically stand on for strength.
this is a horrible, difficult time for all of us here and we all need to heal in our own way. this is just one of them.
look after yourselves!!
NA
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