Impending Doom
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| Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:25pm |
Today was a tough day, yesterday I was so strong and today I was just depressed....and tomorrow don't look good either. Tomorrow I have decided to end it ...finished ...done, and hopefully I will feel better. I have not had contact with MM for a week which is unusual, considering we talk and see each other almost everyday except weekends. He took 5 sick days I think he went away and the week before was supposed to take a half a day to be with me but said his boss wouldnt let him, now I definitely don't believe him. You would think I would have gotten a phone call or a card via email for easter, no such luck..I believe in actions speaking louder than words and his actions these last 7 days have spoken volumes to me. I am a part of his work day, a convience nothing more, and the realization hurts like I have never felt before.....I promised him a year, and tomorrow I am going to ask him if he has even done one thing that would bring us closer to the forever he seems to want, because I don't see it, and I sure as hell don't feel it....I need the strength to walk away because the highs are incredibly high but the lows are the fires of hell....Is love really worth all this.....
Free I could use a few of your words right now, I have read alot of your posts and you seem to have incredible insight...
Imagine

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Just my .02, honey, but what you're describing here isn't love. It's the morning after a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Or an affair.
He hasn't contacted you in what, 7 days? There's nothing more to say. You know the truth. Now make sure that HE knows that you know the truth.
Hang in there, Love, Mo.
Your right he was a no show today ....NC which is not like him at all....He won't even give me the satisfaction of ending it ....he is just going to walk away. I don't believe that for a minute ....just when I start to feel strong he will pop up he has an excuse and he knows it....I refuse to email him, and I just feel kind of numb....
Imagine
I am hanging, but I am not liking it one bit...my mind is obsessed with images of him, and I have lost myself in this depression, I already know the next move but will I be able to follow through it just seems as if it is being drawn out, I am always on the verge of crying. Yes in my mind I know it is over but I am almost positive it isnt over for him .....
Imagine
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