The importance of letting go!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
The importance of letting go!
11
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 2:52pm

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up.

Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is
to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having
an open mind and confidence in the future.

Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.
-unattributed

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.
Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
-Thich Nhat Hanh




Edited 12/21/2009 2:54 pm ET by i_believe_in_myself
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 10:11pm

I love this!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 2:21am
so glad you enjoyed it. That is exactly what I do do LOL. I try to let go but with peace and positivity. I dont want to take the awful feelings along with me. LONG LONG road yet to travel argh
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 5:22am

Hi Ibelieve,


I especially like this saying:


<Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.>>
-Thich Nhat Hanh


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you cant you are probably right.


A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 11:36am

This was a great post. (and I will be printing and reading it frequently). My favorite part...

Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is
to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having
an open mind and confidence in the future.

You gave me permission to cherish the special moments we had, instead of feeling guilty every time I think about them. I am moving on and I do have confidence in my future :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 11:57am
What a great place to be and a great post! Thanks for recommending this section. I did print it out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 12:29pm

Hi aloneagainempty


Your name does not sound familiar.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 1:17pm
I found that the worst part of all this NC and ending A is all the guilt and all the negative thoughts that would consume me. I was dealing with emotions that no other relationship has challenged me on before. I am so glad that this post was helpful. I am by far not even close to share my advice nor wisdom but I can share my thoughts and experience through it all. I am so thankful to have this board. I am loving my new cyber friends LOL. I want to feel ok with taking in all the lessons that I am supposed to with this whole A. I know I am not a bad person. But sometimes I challenged my own values and ethical view on things. There were great times shared with XAP and I want to keep them close. I want to look back at it and not feel sad and regret but smile and say "well BTDT and it was quite the ride". Of course I am dealing with missing him and alot of self issues that were always there. Just got worst with this A. But I am OUT now so I will take this as something positive rather than a negative. Hopefully it will only make me stronger. As you can see I am having a UP day. But you know how this goes; by tonight I may be a miserable LOW. Hopefully not.
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 2:41pm

I Believe -


GREAT post!

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 3:38pm

IBelieve,

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

When I was struggling with such pain at the end of my affair, I did a great deal of reading about letting go. I knew I had to figure out a way to make that happen but found it to be the hardest thing of all. The quote from Thich Nhat Hanh at the end of your post reminded me of a piece entitled Everyday Sacred from Family Circle magazine (4/1/04) written by Lori Erickson. I've excerpted only a portion (so I don't get in trouble with the copyright holder).

-------------------------------------------------

One of the most profound lessons in spirituality that I’ve ever heard comes from a comment about the Vietnamese Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh made by the Catholic monk Thomas Merton.

“When you see Thich Nhat Hanh closing a door,” Merton said, “you know that he is a real monk.”

Though the two came from very different faith traditions, when Merton first met Hanh he recognized a kindred spirit. From their perspective, closing a door was as much a holy act as kneeling in prayer or singing a hymn. And in the gentleness of that simple movement, Merton could see that Hanh was a man who exuded peace...

Alas, my reading in mindfulness makes me mindful of all the ways in which I fail to live in the moment. When I’m making dinner, my mind is racing ahead as I think about the evening meeting I need to attend. At work I fuss about things that happened last week or worry about an upcoming deadline. Instead of living in the present, all too often I live in the past or future.

But now that middle age is fast approaching in the rearview mirror (actually, if I’m honest, I’ll admit that it’s already pulled into the driveway), I also have a sense for what I’m missing by living life at headlong speed. I’ve come to appreciate the value of these smaller instants of grace, rare though they may be. In those times I begin to realize that all I have is a series of present moments, and that once they pass they are gone forever.

Living mindfully does not mean that all we experience is joyful. When a friend of mine went through treatment for breast cancer five years ago, for example, she resolved to live fully in each moment, pleasant or not. Today I am going through chemotherapy, she would tell herself, I’m not going to think about the future or the past. I’m just going to concentrate on this moment that I have now, no matter what it may bring.

I admire such bravery, the willingness to face up to fear, uncertainty and pain. Her perspective is a reminder that life is about constant change. This moment of darkness will pass. This moment of joy will pass as well. Life flows ceaselessly onward, and trying to stop its current is like trying to capture the wind in our hands.

So I try to remember the lesson taught by that Vietnamese monk as he closed the door. On occasion, even in the midst of arguing children, ringing phones and competing priorities, I get a glimpse of what it means to treat all actions as sacred. Close the door. Think of nothing else. And sometimes, by grace, a door in the mind opens as well.
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Let go. Close one door and open another.

Best,

 

~TTS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 12:39am
I loved what you posted and thank you!!!
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander

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