The Importance of NC
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The Importance of NC
| Tue, 03-30-2004 - 6:06pm |
I have been thinking--always thinking, it seems--about why in the world can't i get over this thing? And i have come to the conclusion it is because i have not practice NC. I am nearly positive that if XMM and had been in NC since July of last year (can you believe how long it has been) then i would have moved on.
So, here is my question. I have already decided to not give up the non profit work i do with XMM--until June, when the project ends. Also, i cannot pull my children from little league without seriously calling attention to myself. So, does this mean i have to wait until June to put this fully into practice? What do you do when you work with your XMM? Change jobs? Move to another city?
I FINALLY got an email from him just now regarding an answer to something i needed. He just wrote "Okie Dokie!" What a JERK.
I am seriously sorry. I am just having a bad day today.
Clarice

I do not have to come into contact with my OMM regularly as you do. In your case, gosh, I don't know what I'd do. I do understand why you don't want to drag your kids off little league to help you keep NC, that too much disruption in their lives and this isn't their problem. But gee, how do you handle having to see him regularly?
My OMM lives about 1 mile away from me and I drive by his house once in a while, late at night, and if his car isn't there, I get all curious and wonder where he is and who he's with. I can see very valid reasons for moving to a new town, etc., but its not practical for me. Best of luck to you and stay strong!
I'm in the same position as you where I do see my XOM - mainly because he lives across the street from me and our children are friends, common lessons which we take turns driving to etc.
I know hard this is. Definitely my worst moments come after seeing him. Yesterday I was thinking about this very thing and decided that the only way that I will get over him is to really attack my feelings for him. I can't just forget about him, because he's always around, but can I feel differently about him so it won't matter that I see him. I've been trying to really focus on the negatives about him and about our relationship (and trying to focus on the positives about my husband) and its helping. Why don't you try to list five things about your OM that you don't like and go over this list at least three times a day. Drill it into yourself that he's human, has faults and try to face that alot of that would probably have come to light had you had a real relationship. Picture yourself as his wife and him cheating on you? How great is he now? Go over it and go over it till you see him for what he is.
I'm not trying to put him down, but these guys aren't perfect, and sometimes I think we build them up to be as an 'escape'. We need to burst the fantasy bubble.
Anyway, hope that helps a little - I know its hard!
He just manages to permeate every part of my life: my computer, my office line, my home line (he hasn't called on my cell in a while). Last night for instance, while i was starting to cook dinner for my family (and thougth i was safe to answer the phone--i often just let my office line and house line ring thru to voice mail so i can avoid him), i pick up the phone and it's him. He always seems to come out of nowhere to surprise me.
Am still working thru this and am so glad you are all here.
Clarice
I also made a list called "The Truth" and listed things that I wanted to focus more on...like he has a daughter that he couldn't stand to leave, he chose his wife instead of me, etc. The purpose of that list was to make me made enough at the situation that I would feel like an idiot if I broke down and contacted him.
I read both of those lists whenever I felt the "urge." It helped.
I can so identify. If these guys hooked up with us, what would/will stop them from hooking up with OWs after they're with us? One thing that did bother me was my OMM's eagerness to dump his wife and daughter to be with me. I remember his flight would land at the airport late on a Friday afternoon and instead of going right home to see his DD he'd want to meet me for the evening and see her the next morning. Boy, I'd be pretty disappointed if my H treated my kids that way. Doesn't say much about his character, huh?
Anyway, you all are sharing great thoughts and its helping me get over this difficult period so much. Thanks!