Incredible Urger to Call OMM last nite

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Incredible Urger to Call OMM last nite
3
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 7:58am
Hi all! I know that its not irrational or anything, but I had the most irresistable urge to contact OMM last night. I was on my way home from a meeting, it was about 10:00 p.m., and suddenly I was completely overcome with a need to hear his voice and find out what was going on in his life. I miss him, but overall I've been so happy with my life getting back on track that the little voice telling me to break NC has been easy to shut off. I don't know why it was so difficult last night. I ended up having to call a friend to bring me back to reality. After I got off the phone with her I drove home and called it a night.

Sigh. I feel okay this morning. I just had to get out there that I'm struggling with NC a bit. As my friend pointed out, that's perfectly normal to miss him and wonder how he is. But I need to not act on this urge. It would be so tremendously unfair to him because I think after I heard his voice and my curiousity was satisfied as to how he's doing, I would've been content to leave it at that. Meanwhile, who knows what I would have stirred up in him? And how damaging would that small bit of contact been to the marriage I'm trying to rebuild?

I don't know, but its comforting to know that we don't have to act on all of our thoughts. Just needed to share that, and I hope that some of you who are in the same situation can share your way of dealing with the urges. Thanks!

P.S. Clarice - I did pray!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 8:45am
Hey! Good for you for fighting through the urge!!! We all have 'em. Those bad days where we can't get the XMM out of our minds. It seems like the more we stick with NC, though, the fewer and more far between the bad days are. So keep up the good work! It's great that you had a friend you could call instead. Kind of like how an AA "sponsor" works. :-)

Things that have helped me avoid the urge: I've changed some of my "triggers." For example, we communicated so much through email that I've re-arranged my whole office and computer set-up. Just having things in a different place helps me not to feel quite the same when I'm working in my office; it's just a different "energy," I don't know how else to explain it, but it helps. Also -- I realized that I've got about 4 new & different things in my life than I did when I was in the affair that are redirecting my energies away from those thoughts; I've been working out with friends, doing lots of yoga, and have taken on 3 new volunteer projects. Again, it's a change in the way my energy is channeled and it helps tremendously.

Not that I don't still have bad days, but by now I know that I can get through those bad days. I say the old mantra, "This too shall pass." It's been 4 months since the A ended, with very little contact in that time period, and I swear it is getting better all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 12:26pm
Hey girl! Thanks so much for that feedback. We have alot in common, I'm thinking. I do lots of yoga as well, particularly when I need to feel centered or "connected." I also run long distance, work full-time and run a foundation for my son's incurable disease. It's a miracle I had time for an A with all this activity, don't you think?

As a matter of fact, I have broken my anonymity on this board and my "sponsor" is exactly the person I called last night. I have analogized OMM to a drug and just know that once I send that first text message or make that first phone call, all bets are off. Without knowing what happened I'll shortly be back in the sack with him. That's just me. My first thoughts are always alittle diseased. The beauty of recovery is that I have the gift of the "second" thought - which usually comes after I've spoken to my wonderful support group. Then I take the more reasonable action.

Thanks so much for sharing your insight!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 1:12pm
Mom: I am glad you prayed. I had a hard time yesterday, couldn't figure out why, and then suddenly i remembered I hadn't prayed. So i did and i told myself: this is exactly where God wants me right now and then i felt better--content, like there was nothing i could do to change anything and that i had to just let go.

God: help to take this person out of my heart, mind and soul.

Clarice