Insight is powerful

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Insight is powerful
3
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:15pm
i am still wobbling along here--but feel stronger today than i have in a week. The reason is: for the last year, i have wondered what's wrong with me? Why isn't this A more fulfilling? Why don't i hear from him? Where has he gone Joe DiMaggio (Si and Gar?). Why aren't i beautiful enough, or amazing enough for him to give everything up? JUST HOW SICK IS THAT?

Now that i understand his behavior, i know now that his dropping off the face of the earth is about him! Not me. And, most importantly, it's the right thing to do. WE ARE BOTH MARRIED! They're are 4 children involved here. Homes, mortgages, lifestyles, religion.

It's funny. i went back and looked at some of my old posts. I noticed i did not post one time between November - March. That was a period of time when i was starting the serious work about working on my marriage (and getting over my H's A--and xMM had begun to be friends: talking once or twice a week. I see now, that i was somehow satisfied with that limited contact and that we had "been thru a lot together" but were "proud of one another" that we had ended it and were friends. It's only when i thought he was starting a similiar pattern with "Mo" (which i now have reason to believe is not true--i can post about that later) and that i didn't hear from him for weeks at a time, that i suddenly felt "abandoned" again.

The time span between contact used to be hours; then it became days; now it has become weeks. Soon, i believe, it will be months.

I am totally OK with not hearing from him today. One day at a time.

Clarice




Edited 5/5/2004 5:16 pm ET ET by claricews

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:48pm
Way to go, Clarice! I just posted to someone else on this board who is "craving excitement" in the lull of an ended A that typical people don't need this much "action" in their life. I can relate to all of it, though. Once when I was browing around deep in cyberworld I located this really amusing website that was entitled something like, "so you married a narcissist." Even though you aren't married to one, but were in an A with one, you might enjoy it.

Yeah, it is the "right" thing to do. Sometimes the best way to know that we're doing the "right" thing is to measure the level of pain associated with it. The more painful, the more likely it's the right thing!

Glad to hear its hurting less today. Love, Mo (hey, I keep seeing references in your posts to some person "Mo" that you thought OMM was involved with. Sorry if my using that nickname brings up bad feelings for you and just for the record, I'm quite sure I'm not THAT Mo!)

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:02pm
Hi Mo...so funny...I just posted something on how I just came to the realization that I must be a huge narcissist...you are so right! Sad but true........

Guess it's the word of the day......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 6:38pm
OK, here I am, checking my email every 10 seconds it seems, hoping for something, anything from him. It's been 2 days since I spoke with him briefly and he "had tons or family stuff going on blah, blah, blah call ya later" I know I shouldn't send even the most innocent 'what's up', but I'm feeling weak. So, someone help me resist the urge. After reading your no contact and feeling good about it I'm using the concept here of support.