insights from 1 month NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
insights from 1 month NC
12
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 11:28pm

As of yesterday, I made 1 month NC. I realize this is nothing in the face of so many tweeners and vets, and particularly nothing given that I intially joined EAS back in July during my first attempt to break off my A. I never made it a full month until now.

It's amazing how much has changed. I had made 2 weeks before I had my d-day.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2010
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 11:54pm

ONLY 1 month? Are you kidding me? I'm clawing my way to the end of two weeks! Only one month...geez!

I think you've done great. Thanks for sharing your experiences and insights. I can't bring myself to own up to my H, and I am sure XAP will not out me in any way- he has too much to lose. In fact the smooth way he has covered his tracks indicates that I am probably not his first (or only - ugh) AP. But I agree with you that true intimacy can only be regained with full honesty. Maybe someday I will have your courage. For now, I admire from afar and wish you well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 8:03am

Bravo to you, Exi!

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 8:28am

What an inspiring post!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 8:49am

Wow. One month!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 9:28am

((Exi))

Wow! What a whirlwind month this has been for you, and look how far you have already come. I think you were at the top of the learning curve way before the sh*t hit the fan, so perhaps this is why the realizations are firing at such a rapid pace. I agree with being honest with H, but truthfully, would you have been so open if he hadn't found those emails? Just asking...

It's a very hard lesson to learn that the "Grass is not always greener on the other side, but the greenest where it is watered." As far as your synopsis on XAP goes, you still have work to do in letting thoughts of him NOT MATTER in the grand scheme of things. The truth is,"something unheathy in you (us) was attracted to something unhealthy in him (them)." We would never have crossed the line unless there were issues within us that were being swept under the carpet.

So, my dear, keep on being honest with your H and yourself, and you can't go wrong. One of my most favorite quotes is by Mark Twain:

<, you don't have to remember anything.>>

(((Hugs))),

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 9:44am

Dearest Exi82(if you don't mind the nickname!):

CONGRATULATIONS on your

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 11:27am

wow, thank you guys SO

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 11:42am

Exi,

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 12:22pm
Exi and Garfy,
Congrats to you both on 1 month!! Everyone here is an inspiration to me, and the posts I read are so incredibly good for me and for my journey. I am beginning to see just how effective NC can be! :)
Keep on keeping on...

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 1:04pm

One month is wonderful Exi :) You are 1/3 of the way to Tweenerville. You have given yourself the blessing of honesty for the past 30 days and I'm proud of you.

Bodhi

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