Interesting Light...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Interesting Light...
7
Sun, 09-05-2010 - 8:30pm

With the weekend in full swing and lots of time for reflection this weekend, I decided I was going to be proactive and catch up on some old television shows to take them off of my DVR - and so as I'm sitting there watching the back episodes of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading "Making the Team" one girl in particular who was a DCC back 15 years ago was trying out and the two women (Kelly and ?) made the comment...
"Aw bless her heart - she's trying to recapture her youth." and I had this epiphany moment -

So many of us on this board have the same story - married 15-30 years, a reconnect with an old HS flame that was the "love of your life" who has and shares unrequited feelings - neither wants to lose the other now that we've rekindled old friendships and feelings.....we all know the story -

Perhaps this same comment from Kelly and the DCC could be applied to us - we're trying to recapture our youth. In T this last week we spoke for a few moments on this subject - that perhaps as unhappy as I was in the moment - combined with the remembering of old feelings that made us happy - those first stirrings of love, passion, all of it - the combination was deadly - but obvious.

So many of us get stuck in the mindset of that "great moment" in our life- whenever it was - we can NEVER recapture what once was. Even if we can get back to that weight, look, place - we can never live that same moment again - but we allow all of these unfinished feelings to dictate how we respond. I started thinking about other parts of my life that also had that "great moment" thing that I wanted to have again and realized how much of my life is spent trying to achieve a specific response - in the quest of closure.

Perhaps if we spent more time living - and less time trying to feel something we once had - we'd all be a bit happier?

It was interesting...

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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 7:56am
I think there are probably a lot of reasons why we get into A's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 10:47am

I think you are spot-on with this observation (the thought of trying to recapture lost youth via an A)


I too met my XAP after a 20+ yr connection from my youth. He made me feel young and desirable again. In our communications I even found myself TALKING in a more juvenile, teen-age type tone. How embarrassing!


He gave me the attention my H was(and is) neglecting to show me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 12:33pm

Hi Lolly,


I like your new moniker.


You’ve brought up some very good points. For those that did reconnect with someone from their past, often times it goes deeper than just trying to recapture something from youth. Often it has to do with trying to go back a fix something or solve something from the past.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 12:52pm

Hi Feeling (great),


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Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 1:21pm

About a year

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2009
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 1:56pm

This is an interesting thread. And I believe it really says something about the frequency of first loves reconnecting and how powerful it is.

I for one can say my A with my HS sweetheart had nothing to do with wanting to relive "glory days" for me. Those days sucked!!! For me it was definitely about healing an old wound. Fixing what was wrong with me inside for so long. Believing that was never "good enough" He had all the power in our relationship when we were younger. He was almost 3 yrs older. He was my first time. I worshiped him. My family was in turmoil so I spent lots of time with his. Holidays, family gatherings, weddings etc. He took me to his senior prom. I believe I would marry him. BUT his mom kind of never approved of me. My family was "broken" my parents weren't "involoved" and I was the ''BAD GIRL" corrupting her son who had so much potential.

I believe for him he wanted to relive the time in his life where he had power over his girl. And of course he probably got a lot more BJ's from me than he ever got from W. We were teens for God's sake! That's what you do.

I believe he married a girl that got mom's seal of approval. She became his "new mom" in a way and takes care of his home needs. He gets his other needs met elsewhere. As long as he brings home the paycheck she looks the other way or lives in denial.

I was deluding myself thinking I was FINALLY getting his love and approval. And yes I need to , HAVE TO learn to give it to myself. No one else will ever be able to fill that hole but me.

Lilly

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 12:35am

Count me in as one of the stupid ones that reconnected with an old bf. I was not trying to recapture my past or youth. It was all about my ego (and ultimately xAP's as well) and trying to prove to myself I was worthy of his attention. I also discovered after I ended it that I also wanted to "show him" what he let go of. Maybe it was recapturing, but I don't see it that way. As E1 said, I was trying to fix the old relationship, to solve the decades long question of why we drifted apart. I fooled myself into believing I really loved the guy and off to the races I went. Amazing that it took ending the affair to realize why I started it. There was no way I could have understood the twisted dynamics of my relationship with xAP while under the influence of the dreaded fog! In the end, no matter the reasons behind the affair, it was still an awful destructive thing to do.