intro

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
intro
2
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 3:35pm

hello. I think I am in the right area. I am a woman with a low self-esteem, only worsened by a belittling H(NOW XH) and had a string of affairs(3) over my last 15yr marriage. I have since remarried and my H knows about them all, of course he is not happy about it but I felt he needed to know if I wanted to heal myself and avoid doing it again. So my XH doesnt know about them and it was a pretty bitter D. He had threatened all of our lives and various similar acts. My DH is like an victim/innocent bystander to all this and doesnt deserve the abuse just because my ex suspects I was having an A with my present H. How do I clear the air and tell XH about the A's I had while married to him? We have children together that he sees every 2wks, things have settled down yet I feel he should know so the next woman he is with doesnt do the same to him(if that makes sense). He is not a very nice person and I feel if I tell him about the A's that might help him(and everyone else too) in the end. I know his family is upset because I remarried and any respect they had left for me will be gone once I tell XH about the A's. I feel that is the consequence to pay. Not only do I owe it XH but also to DH because everyone(all the ex's) thinks DH and I were having an A and that is not true. I dont think there is a 'right' time or place to do such a thing(confess) but does anyone have any ideas? I will browse the archives to see what else has been written. Thank you for your time=)

~Changed(hope I am not using someone else's name!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
In reply to: changed4thebetter
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 4:36pm

Changed,

Just my opinion... Why would you even consider confessing to your now XH when your marriage is over? You still have children to raise together, and I feel confessing would only make this situation much, much worse. I wouldn't do it. The marriage is over, and you sound like you are in a much better M now. Don't stir up chaos where there isn't any. Who cares who thinks you were having an A with your husband now? It doesn't matter. If you confess to the other 3...then add the BIG BUT....my H now wasn't one of them. They aren't going to believe you! Just my opinion.

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: changed4thebetter
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 6:32pm

Changed

Way do you think your XH would believe anything you tell him, I would not give any additional amunition to a bitter nut case that threatens peoples lives.

Free