Introduction - I was in an affair
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Introduction - I was in an affair
| Thu, 10-14-2010 - 5:04pm |
Hello Everyone - I haven't really navigated around Ivillage and this particular discussion group a whole lot - YET - I was just given this link by a well meaning friend knowing, that I need some support.
I want to get OVER my feelings for a person I was involved in an affair with.
It lasted 3 years - and while I was told - he was going to leave to be with me...(everyone stop laughing!!!!) :)
It turned into this "limbo" thing - where I decided I couldnt live happily.

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TU - thank you for the kind and warm welcome! Haaha- I didnt think you were thankful that I was new and in pain. :)
I sure hope I bring wisdom - I know Ive got great energy and a sense of humor. That should help for something! :) And I have a compassionate, kind heart and mean well. I tell the truth - but I do try to spare feelings. I treat others the way I'd like to be treated (with a tender heart and compassion).
Im glad to not receive enabling
NL
Thank you then for simply reaching out of your own withdrawl state enough to welcome me and reveal your honest state of being right now.
That's refreshing to hear. I like being able to say and hear the truth. :)
Ill take a peek at your posts so that I understand where you're coming from also and see if there's anything I bring to the table that can be helpful.
Peace of mind to you!
Welcome, Newlife.
I'm sorry for popping my head in a little late. Yesterday was a crazy work day and I had company last night. I've caught up on all of your replies to the gals that responded to you and would like to thank you for replying to each of them individually as you did. The board has just undergone a makeover and it's not as easy to get around like it used to be. I'm still trying to navigate it. :smileyindifferent:
You wrote: "Im still so "confused" about whether this is love - or just a big toxic, dramatic, addiction." You are going to find after reading here and posting for a while that your 2nd analysis is the correct one. Affairs are all of those things and although we "think" we are in love with the AP, when is love about compromising our integrity and dignity? Or tarnishing theirs? When you love someone you want the best for them, and not put them in a situation that could destroy and ruin families and reputations, agree?
Our stories are very similar. I was M twice, am now a widow and raised 3 children on my own. I tried the dating thing and was absolutely terrified of commitment after so many losses in my life, so an A seemed to be the perfect solution for someone who just wanted to have fun. Oh, yeah...tons of fun to where I had lost important parts of myself somewhere in the mud hole we had created. After the 3rd ending brought on by my decision to dismantle the emotional anchor I was dragging around, I have been A free for over 6 years now. I have been on this board since the last ending. So you see, a place like this can become the life boat you need. I just never climbed out of it. :smileywink: I still work with Xmm, and although there is nothing left between us but mucky memeories, we have managed to professionally continue working together. It took a couple of years to get there though.
If your MM is a public figure, all the more reason to get out and get out now. If what you are doing is ever exposed, you will be thrown under the bus in a New York second and you life will become a living hell. Try to see into the future a little and imagine being ostricized and ridiculed as the OW that derailed a "good man's" reputation, because that is how his contituents/family will see you as. Even men who live under the radar usually throw their AP to the wolves if it means saving family and face.
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You believe correctly. Do it now while you still have the strength. Affairs consume and devour. It's always best to walk away with whatever you have left intact. From there you can regenerate those parts of yourself that have been damaged by this.
We will be looking fwd to helping you escape from the A trenches and watching you learn and grow. I sense your determination but getting those ducks in a row in order to proceed to the nearest exit is what must be done first. You need to tell him you can't do this anymore and mean it. Then the healing can begin.
((Hugs))
Welcome NL :)
You've had a lot of great advice from everyone. Iddy is right, you need to tell him you can't do this anymore - and the hard part, mean it.
"he wants to explore being with me, is seeking counseling but says it has to be on
I pulled this up because you might not be able to find it (-:
It was originally posted by Secret Life of Jane, and I thought you might enjoy. It's not rocketscience, but somehow we think there has to be some magic bullet.
Let Go of Your Ex: Avoid These 7 Excuses!Ah, Michelle -
We're going to get on swimmingly.
Michelle,
I can never top such good advice given by the lovely ladies here, so I just wanted to welcome you to EAS.
The road ahead is hard and rocky, but you can do it.
Welcome newlife!..What an adorable personality you have!..You have found the right place if you are committed to NC and taking your life back.
New Season - OH MY! Thank you so much for your WARMTH!!! I teared up reading what you had to say - It's such a risk to open up - and especially to "strangers" - which frankly is why I used my own picture and my name. I know - its a gamble - but I want to GET REAL - and I think it helps if a group I want to become a part of...knows the REAL ME.
I am a verocious reader - so that's awesome that there's ample reading - I was able to locate the Healing Library - and fell asleep (albeit 1am) reading.
Im always very committed and diligent about reaching my goals - so Im sure that my breaking free of this menagerie will be no different.
I can't believe the instant gratification I got :)
Mom G, <---I like the ring to that.
Thanks! That is FANTASTIC reading - the steps! Im curious - How do you "Save" items to your own profile or archive? I saw some things I'd like to save- but short of copy/paste into a word doc ...wasnt sure how to build an arsenal on ivillage. :)
Hugs,
M
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