Introduction - I was in an affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Introduction - I was in an affair
49
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 5:04pm

Hello Everyone - I haven't really navigated around Ivillage and this particular discussion group a whole lot - YET - I was just given this link by a well meaning friend knowing, that I need some support.

I want to get OVER my feelings for a person I was involved in an affair with.

It lasted 3 years - and while I was told - he was going to leave to be with me...(everyone stop laughing!!!!) :)

It turned into this "limbo" thing - where I decided I couldnt live happily.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 10:51am

I agree!!

And Dee - love your new spooky "bite me" look.

Bodhi, the boring leaf :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 10:54am

I wish you the best and hope you stick around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 11:02am
Not to hijack, but I took a photo of me and put on a ton of make up using the ivillage makeover thingy! Ha... it was a slow day. Then, I photoshoped blood running down my chin. It was fun! If anyone wants to send me a photo, I'll do the same for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 11:19am

Hey, Dee, no need to photoshop on me - I look like that in real life.

ok, carry on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 12:03pm
Very creative, Dee. I laughed when I first saw it and then thought about how vampish I was once back in the day."

PS. I love pink. 1/4 of my wardrobe is in various pink hues....so thanks for the compliment.
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 10:14pm

HAHHAHA! @TU

Actually I just woke up 6:30pm - after 16hrs of sleep. I guess I needed THAT. :)

Now, You mentioned Jane's 48 hour rule. Where do I find that? Maybe it's in one of my replies and I just haven't seen it yet.

I think I GET this....FIRST LINE OF FOCUS IS GIVING MYSELF THE GIFT OF NO CONTACT. Come hell or high water - as you said TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for myself and THROW ALL IVE GOT into No contact - because THAT will get me out of the fog. Yes?

Thanks for the heads up All of you - about the board being quiet on weekends- I'll know not to take it personally if I get few responses - but the Plan B of reading, reading, reading, will surely get me through any rough patches - and I can always post - or journal to get my thoughts/feelings out of me.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 10:24pm

Ps. that random attachment was my testing what attachments look like - so I

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 10:32pm

Iddy,

Thanks for the hugs! and You do look very pretty in pink! I love pink too. Makes me feel so girly. :)

My goal is now to learn everything I can about NO CONTACT and the effects of an affair. Ive been reading the Mr Unavailable book I ordered from the fabulous blog at www.baggagereclaim.com

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 7:41am
Hmmm. This bit about the desire to "win". Is that me? Is that why I'm still hanging here in the bargaining stage? While in the A I know I prettied things up by telling myself that well, at least we were monogamous adulterers. Laughing at that one now! We really cared about each other so it was all ok. I'm not just some slut cheating on my husband....

My desire to win is very strong and I feel like I put so much effort into him, us and it! Why won't it work????
I used to stalk her FB page obsessively at the end. For 3 years I never did it because I was winning. I had him. But this last year... Oye. She seemed funny and smart, had lots of friends who loved her.. I used to stare at her and wonder is she prettier than me? She's thin and little, I'm tall and curvy.... A constant comparison. Did he love her? He was going to leave her you know....

Anyway.. I think we're on to something with the desire to win and have a positive outcome that equally relates to all time invested. I worked my butt off to make him happy. It hurts to realize he never did the same for me. He did very little to make me happy. What the hell is wrong with me?

Sorry to hi-jack.., something just hit me. I'll be back on Monday. ;)

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