the irony of it all...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
the irony of it all...
2
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 10:55am

As much as I would like to take Valentine's Day completely OFF my calendar this year...I can't! Sunday ironically marks two big days for me.

One being the day I leave to fly across the country to a treatment facility to start my 5 day intensive Love Addiction workshop. That in itself feels huge as I start to do the deep work on the how's and why's of choosing unavailable men my whole life, hopefully digging into my past and working toward some healing of this horrific A. All "heart" related.

Secondly, Valentine's Day is/was the start date of when the A began 2 years ago. What a trigger.

I have worked hard the past 6 weeks to start the healing process and though it has been the hardest thing I have ever endured...I have made it this far. (: Instead of sitting in the airport feeling sad and down on Sunday, I'm going to force myself to not wallow in pity. I will do something kind for my H and my daughter. I'm going to try my best to not romanticize the day. Even though the rejection and the feelings of failure are still so raw from my xAP being the one to literally end it in one phone call, I refuse that day to allow him to have the power.

I was the one that pro-acted by starting counseling long before the end. I was the one that started "prepping" myself for the end of the affair by seeking out resources. I was the one that knew deep in my gut that it was "too good to be true". He may have been the official ender--he may be the one that has gone absolute cold turkey no contact on me. He was the one to leave me to return to his W. He may have been the one to make promises of an incredible life together and then promptly shattered my heart with the broken promise. BUT...

I still have the power to take back that day--Sunday--Valentine's Day--as a day to love me!

I'm really trying to use some strong willed self-talk today. (:

((hugs to all)) LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 11:06am
LL2008,
Good for you! Taking your power back and being proactive about your healing. I would give anything to learn the tools of overcoming "love addiction". I hope you will be able to share with all of us what you will learn in the workshop. Focusing on your H and daughter on valentines day will help to keep you distracted from unhealthy thoughts of xap. I'm pulling for you and all of us here at EAS on this very difficult day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 11:29am

Wishing you the best during your workshop.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3