The irony of it......

Avatar for Nowaynonownvragain
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
The irony of it......
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 12:06pm

On Monday I posted on Clarity's roll call thread that at 15 months out of my A I was at a 10!

On Tuesday morning I woke up to an email from Xmm, after 15 months. His pretense for the email....wanting to know if I was going to go to our high school reunion (35 year runion!!), hoping I was going to go he said,..........on September 28. Seriously!!! This man could never commit to what he was doing tomorrow let alone 8+ months from now!!

Yesterday I wasn't at a 10. Not because I had any feelings of loving or missing him but because I was so ANGRY at him for once again invading my life. I have spent the last 15 months doing everything in my power to protect myself. I changed the way I drove home from work to avoid a possible sighting, I didn't go to certain restaurants or stores in areas that I knew there was a possibility that I could run into him, I unfriended him on fb, deleted him from my phone and life.................but the one thing you can't control is a new email address.

Today's a new day.....and I'm back at a 10. Onward I go on my journey!!

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the rose flower sheds on the heel that crushed it. ~unknown

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 8:16pm

So, let's get honest here....was it the email 15 years later or that the fact that a 35th year HS reunion is approaching that was so horrifying? Laughing

Wow...out the blue. I guess he was doing a little fishing...seeing if he might get a bite.  Hah...line came up empty.

You did all the right things to end it for good and apparently did all the right things to get past your feelings of anger and get back to a 10.  Good work, NoWay.

Let this be a warning too, that we must always be prepared...I think RBM is always telling us that...'be prepared'.  A down-the-line fishing attempt may put us a little off kilter,  because we've been blindsided, but it does not have to knock us over and to the ground...and it won't when we know it is over...for good.



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 6:25pm

Hi Noway. I am sorry to read your Xap did that. It was around 15 months when my Xap contacted me through a friend late last year and I ran the gauntlet of emotions as a result, anger being a very big one of them. Unfortunately I wasn't able to shake off the other feelings so well and struggled through for a few weeks, so if you find yourself riding those initial ending emotions again, just be kind to yourself and don't feel bad for feeling set back. It will pass. I was surprised at how quickly I bounced back once I rode them out.

As for his excuse. Puhlease!! I guess to them it is hard to reconcile that we are not the needy woman who jumped at their every calling. So when they come fishing, they are probably expecting that we will find it too hard to resist. It goes to show that they do not really know us and they certainly don't know the struggle we went through to move on.

In some ways for me though, Xap's fishing was able to bring about closure for me. We always say on here that closure can't come from having endless conversations, goodbyes etc and for most of us on here that has proven true. Closure does come from within and when Xap came fishing and I ignored it, it helped bring about  closure in a new way for me.I never really knew how I would respond to a fishing attempt but I said no and firmly closed that door without hesitation. And that is when I knew, I had closure. That part of my life is over and that part of your life is over. It will still hurt at times but the power it holds over us fades away and that sure feels pretty good.



The core of who you are is not always obvious to everyone. But to believe what others may believe of you can cause you to deny yourself, the wonders, of who you really are.