Isnt it funny...
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 05-17-2010 - 12:35am |
I just received an E-Mail from an old "acquaintance" we went on a few dates; this was back in 2007. We got along well but there was no "spark" but he was a super nice guy. About 1 month into talking to this guy I met XAP. Well we know how I clicked with him. It was so natural. I guess subconsciously I disconnected myself from "single guy" and ignored him. I did end up telling him that It just wasnt going to work and to forget me. Well he attempted to get my attention every so often. Wishing me a Happy BDAY (which XAP forgot all about this year :( ) etc. But it isnt there. I just ignored him. Thinking he will just go away and find someone that will fit with him. Well in his message today it made me think. He was telling me how he can't forget me and all he could do is wish we could get the old days back. Funny that is what I am doing now with XAP. I normally would just ignore his attempts. Then I started thinking how it makes me feel when XAP ignores me. It kills me inside. I decided how he doesn't deserve the cold shoulder and replied with: Sorry it didn't work out and to be honest it was not there for me and my only wish is for you to let go of the past and open yourself to new opportunities; there are good things waiting to those who are open to love. It is not going to happen between us. Im sorry! It is better to hear the truth than to be ignored. I hope that is one thing I learned and that is to give respect to those you even have no interest in dating as they too have feelings. I am having a very hard time dealing with the loss of XAP it is so very hard. I am surprised that I lasted almost 2 weeks. I think it is because I feel I was of no meaning to him even as a human being. A human being with feelings. That is why I had to message that SM back cause I wanted to acknowledge his hurt and that is in fact a human being.
It hurts so bad and I still want XAP in my life but the hurt that i feel with him is so much more unbearable. I know please dont hate me for saying that I still want him. I need to be open and honest I think to deal with this!
Edited 5/17/2010 12:55 am ET by livexlaughxlovex
