Is it bad of me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Is it bad of me?
5
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 11:15am

JstmeKC said this in another post:

"I bet he is really going to be missing you. What goes around, comes around. Fact of life we reap what we sow. Keep sowing some good stuff for yourself!"

Is it bad that I really HOPE someday... sooner rather than later... my exMM experiences alittle bit of Karma? NOT life ruining or really bad karma... I don't wish him ill-will, I just want him to suffer alittle like I have! It's so hard to accept he's there at home with his happy little family (wonderful wife that he loves and thinks so highly of, 3 BEAUTIFUL children - experiencing all the "firsts" with #3 only being 4 months old) and I am just heartbroken... wondering how I'll get through each day (I'm being a bit dramatic cause it's not nearly that difficult now - but it was for awhile and I still have moments of pain that feel like that).

Anyway... I hope one day... when *I* am strong and well past wanting to go back... he calls and says he misses me and I can sense (cause he won't tell me) that things aren't looking as wonderful in his life (as I KNOW they are right now - no his life isn't perfect but I know he IS happy with his life)... and I can say "sorry pal... you hurt me BAD, but now it's your turn and while I'll always love you - I don't care anymore what the status of your life is!" Or something a bit more clever than that! :p

I do NOT wish anything super horrible on him - now or ever! But he sure lucked out with a AP that did NOT want to mess with his family or his life in ANY way! He lucked out with someone who cares TOO much that his life stay good - and therefore has suffered more than her fair share (trust me - I took a huge brunt of the A - walked away from a job I loved, lost the friendship that I had with the W, no longer get to be apart of the first two children's lives - I never got to know #3 - lost the friendship of exMM - lost my self-pride and self-confidence - don't know if I can even say "integrity" exists within me... etc. etc....)

Anyway... just thought I'd put this out there! :p

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 11:49am

I don't think it is bad. I think it is normal to want the other person to take a part of the hurt that we feel, that they helped to create. I was talking to XMM this morning and he said maybe we shouldn't talk until you aren't feeling so hurt. I said I am hurt and you just go along fine like nothing happened. He said that's not true. It is hard for me too. I will never know how he feels. Guys handle things differently. I am not going to judge him anymore or try and blame him. I did what I did (as stupid as I was) time for me to treat myself better and make sure others do too.

Trust that things do work out. It may not be as dramatic as you want but someday he will understand how hurt you were and regret his part in the whole A. If he dosen't already. Although his life is not nearly as perfect as you think or he would not be in an A. If you were happy would you cheat?

Put your energy into yourself. Not selfishly like we do as part of an A but constructively to move forward and make yourself the kind of person you want to be. Make yourself a life you love and can live with integrity. You are already paying the price for this mistake. The positive can be what you make of it.
"No pain, no gain" is what they say, so this must be full of gain!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 2:59pm

Having just been dumped after 1-1/2years, I am feeling some of the same need for retribution. No, I don't want terrible things to happen to him, but I want him to feel some hurt. And yes it does feel as though he has moved on without giving it another thought. Because he hasn't called, I feel very much "out of sight, out of mind". Logically, this probably isn't 100% true after being a big part of his life for nearly 2 years. However, I can't help but take his behavior as an indicator that he is relieved and happier to have me gone. I'd love to know what's really on his mind, but I guess in the end, it doesn't really matter. If we can't have a normal relationship, it doesn't matter. You probably realize that I'm talking as much to myself as to others posted here.

Any other thoughts on this subject?

IslandGirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 3:28pm
Yes, I know exactly what you are feeling. My XOM has hurt me badly and I want him to share some of this pain, or at least aknowledge that he caused some of it. I don't want anything bad to happen, but he seems to be doing fine and I am a mess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 9:33pm

It's not bad of you, it's a normal human reaction to want the person who hurt you to suffer some hurt themselves.

For me, it was as simple as just having him regret his past actions and realize what he lost because of them..and to somehow have that information that he is feeling that way. Well I got just that just recently, when he admitted to "not being able to get over losing you, everything was my fault and I should have done handled things differently".

I definately feel I'm in a better place now emotionally than he is..and does that knowledge make me feel vindicated? You're damn right it does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 3:45am

I just told a friend this about the exMM:

I hope he breaks his toe and it hurts like hell breaking it.
This way he can feel like me, I hurt like hell but will heal after time. Shouldn't be permanent.

The fact he is going to stay in a loveless/sexless marriage is karma enough, i want him to feel actual pain.
bitter? oh a tad.

Edited to clarify




Edited 6/7/2005 4:19 am ET ET by landoconfusion