Is it breaking NC or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2010
Is it breaking NC or not?
6
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 10:00pm
I am trying to decide if I broke the NC rule. I used *67 to call his number today. I wasn't going to talk to him, I just wanted to see if he still had his same number, so he would know I am not contacting him. Sounds crazy huh? I got voicemail and it was the standard recording. So didn't really find out anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 10:38pm

Always remember when in doubt about something to KIS (keep it simple).


If we understand the concept of NC, then it makes it easier to know when we are going against that concept.


First the concept has nothing to do with xAP. Nothing at all. Did I mention it has nothing to do with xAP? It is not on your shoulders to make xAP understand NC. It is not your job to find out if xAP is doing NC also. NC is all about YOU! It’s all about your RESOLVE to END THE A. It’s all about cutting ties and removing xAP from your life.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2010
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 11:04pm

I understand what you are saying. I do spend to much time wondering what he is thinking, and if he misses me. Wondering why he did what he did. Although it is not as often as it used to be.

He ended the affair not me. Well,ended it by disappearing. I wonder does it make it harder when they are the one to end it.

I still feel like I am on day 22 of NC. Because it didn't really set me back in anyway. I didn't get those awful feelings I got when I was sending the texts he was ignoring. It didn't change my feelings at all.

I know I have to get him out of my head completely. I am looking forward to that day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 11:41pm

Willow-


I lost way too much time this past year wondering if my XAP missed me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 11:46pm

<>


I think if most of us are honest…we will admit that we all did dedicate too much of our Hippocampus to xAP in the beginning of the ending. It’s a step in the grieving process which helps us move forward. The trick is to not get stuck there and work on replacing those thoughts with positive affirmations. It’s a process and will take time.


<>


I’m guessing you feel that way because you didn’t get the info. you hoped for by making the call. If a crack addict goes to their crack pipe and is hoping to sniff the residue and there is none there, don’t we have to look at the intent (motive) behind the action? If an alcoholic goes to a bar, but discovers when he orders a drink that he has no money to pay for it, again don’t we have to look at the intent?


At the very least you were on dangerous ground. Your motive was to see what he did/or did not do. That is not conducive to your healing. Not in line with what NC is intended for.


We encourage taking full responsibility for actions. It’s ok most of us have been there. I know that I had to restart my NC clock for even for minor infractions in the past. This point forward in your life is about honesty most importantly to yourself. Holding yourself accountable.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 12:28pm

My simple rule is this: any action that I take to find out about xap is breaking NC. The following are all violations of NC:


drive bys


cyberstalking- facebook, myspace, google, IM


asking friends about xap


frequenting places xap might be


*67 his phone number "just to see"


sending an "accidental" email with no content


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 12:34pm

Willow,


I will have to agree with the others. Although you did not talk to him, wanting to find out something re. him is still breaking NC. I will not ask you to reset your NC counter though. Just be aware that any little thing that we "intentionally" do get info on our XAP is only setting yourself up for more pain. NC=NO NEW HURTS. ;-)


(((Hugs)))

   ~Iddy~