It does get better
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It does get better
| Tue, 08-10-2004 - 1:47pm |
I haven't posted here in a while. I don't even come to this board anymore. But, today I thought I would just check to see how things were going. I see so much pain, in the titles of the posts. I've been there, and I know from my heart how painful letting go, ending an A, or NC can be. If you are strong, and don't give in, THE SUN WILL SHINE IN YOUR WINDOW ONCE AGAIN. I know is seems dark, and that you will NEVER have your life back, but it will.
I initiated NC on March 1, 2004. Yes, I've had limited conversations with ex-MM, but I'bve not seen him. It's been a while since I heard his voice, and to be honest, I don't even think about him "much" anymore. I don't have the "what if's", or any that second guessing my decision.
I think he finally saw that I wasn't giving in. That I meant every word that I said. AND TODAY I FEEL SUCH HAPPINESS. I FEEL SUCH A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT. I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD.
I'm not saying I won't have bad day, I know at some point I'll have to come here to vent. Just hang in there it will get better.

Those who've been there: any suggestions for how to kill the time between now and the point at which I will get through a day and forget to think of him? How to make the days go by faster or make it easier on me to stick to my NC resolution? How to find something else to occupy my thoughts in the meantime?
Please advise.
My only advise is to listen to your heart, and do what is best for you, do what makes you heal.
Grace, try the old rubber band trick -- wear a rubber band on your wrist and whenever you have the urge to contact xmm, snap it hard! The pain should help you to associate negative feelings with the urges, hopefully enough to lead your brain away from those thoughts!
The only other thing to do is take things one day, even one hour at a time if you have to. Tell yourself you will get through the next day without contacting him, and if you still want to at the end of the day, you can do it tomorrow... If you keep doing that every day, you find that tomorrow never comes. The other thing is, try some forward thinking... Really think ahead to the consequences of you contacting him; what good can come of it?
Good luck. Secret is right, it does get better with time!! But it has been 8 months and I still have not reached the point where a day goes by without thoughts of xmm. The difference is the level of obsession, the fact that I now know without a doubt that I am much happier and better off without him, and I no longer have the urge to contact him.
I too have just decided to end my A. I decided to do this while he is on vacation, partly because I will not hear from him for a week, then shortly after I go on vacation, so hopefully it will make NC easier, because I can't contact him. So I started to look to the future and take up running again. I went out and bought myself some new running shoes. Running makes me feel better for some reason. I am also going to get a puppy. This somehow will get me excited about something, and I will look forward to other things than visits with MM. I hope this helps. So far I feel like I can do this, but it has only been 4 days for me....
The day I ended my A with ex-MM, I was taking my dd to school. We found this cute little puppy. We picked her up, and she's been with us every since. She helped me to heal. Taking her for long walks, talking to her at night before I went to bed.
Getting a puppy is an excellent idea.
I am going to try a few things and hope that one or more of them will work. Telling myself that I can always call him tomorrow is a good one--very Scarlett O'Hara. I've enrolled in a yoga class and a self-defense class, so those should help to get me out of my head a little and give me something to do--though they don't begin until mid-September and late October, respectively. Am now sporting a lovely rubber-band bracelet and trying to remind myself that MM's got nothing new or different to say, so I would be just as successful talking to a brick wall--there's no point in talking to him. And a brick wall has the added advantage that talking to it won't upset me quite so much.
Have considered getting a dog, actually. My stepsister recently moved into town and she's got a black lab. We went to the park one day with my son, and at least a dozen strangers approached us and struck up conversations that afternoon because we had the dog with us. Never grew up with any pets, so this was a new concept to me--having a dog with you helps you meet people. And it's not the same as with a newborn baby. When my son was brand-new, strangers struck up conversations, but primarily in order to give me unsolicited advice on how to raise him, what to feed him, what I was doing wrong, etc. (Tip for those of you expecting your first child: when strangers ask you if it's your first, say, "No; I've got two more at home." This will dissuade them from getting into your business; they'll figure you already know what you're doing). Still trying to weigh the pros and cons on getting a dog, though. It's a lot of responsibility, and I have a bad track record with living things (my son asked me once, "Mommy, why do you always kill plants?" He's six; perhaps he was a little worried about being in my care? Perhaps the Parenting Police were right to give advice? =D ). In the meantime, my son and I can spend more time with my stepsister and her dog.
But it is hard. It's hard to feel motivated to do any work when at the office. It's hard to count down the minutes and to fill the day. It's hard to wait for my mind to make the transition from "injured, but out of the line of fire" all the way to "healed." I am grateful, though, to be out of the line of fire.
Having somewhere to post, having all of you to talk to and listen to, is a great help. What did all those poor women do throughout history, when they'd had an EMA and couldn't talk it through with anyone? No message boards, no support groups, no sympathetic ears. Were they really as unhappy as Hester Prynne and Emma Bovary? That shouldn't have to be our fate.
Grace
Hah! Thanks for making me laugh. Ain't that the TRUTH. After time, it's a broken record, followed by that headache I thought only wives got :)
Good luck to all of you in your ending it success. It's been 3 months for me, and I can quite frankly say, "YAAA WHOOO" Free at last !!
Id
arrrgh. sarah
I'm glad to hear from you. Love and prayers, Mo.