Is it easier to end when youre married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Is it easier to end when youre married?
5
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 10:04am
I'm just curious to know, since I'm a newbie and don't know you all yet, does it seem easier for the people who have husbands or wives, to end their affair, knowing that they still have someone waiting for them, or does it seem to be just as painful for everyone? Being that I'm single, I find myself wondering what to do with my time now that I'm not with him or talking to him on the phone a thousand times a day. I almost feel I could get through it easier if I had a marriage to work on, but since I'm not in that position, I really have no idea. Just curious!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 10:35am
Well I am married and my H ignores me or it seems that way to me. As far as getting comfort, love, or being distracted - no. If anything it seems worse... it is a rejection both ways - from my A and from my H. I had another A and found that getting involved in another A distracted me. But that A (distraction) almost distroyed me. I finally realize only I can make me happy. Its only been a few days of NC with him... and I am new to this board and sometimes other members can give you advice that hurts your feelings... but it helps. I am a much stronger woman than I was a week ago. Good luck.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 11:29am


In response to your question, "NO" it is not much easier because there is someone waiting for you (a spouse). In fact, after the ending of the affair, I feel MUCH WORST...

In reality I wanted (and still want) to be alone, to think about what I have done. To be honest, I do not want a man touching me after the FIASCO (affair). Just want to find myself. Is it fair for my husband to wait until I find myself? Absolutely not, have to let him go...explains why it is worst to be married after the demise of a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 11:37am
Personally, I don't find it easier - we strayed from our marriage for a reason - we weren't getting what we needed at home. The affair gave me what I needed, while my husband is still distant.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 4:26pm
Hiya Cheri,

<<>>

It struck me that this was a justification I used myself for awhile. It's a load of old hooey, too, by the way. Why is it hooey? I cannot expect anyone else to fulfil or complete me and no one else is responsible for me being a happy bunny. That's an enormous burden to place on someone elses' shoulders and it is invariably doomed to failure as the beast of burden becomes overladen with ever increasing demands to fill an ever increasing void. Whatever is lacking is something within the affair partner him or herself.

<<>>

Good! You are well underway when you can answer the following question:-

What part of me needs this man so I can feel good about myself?

<<>>

How much of your husband's distance is because you've pushed him away from you? When's the last time you initiated a discussion with him? Or threw him a smile for no reason at all? Or told him you need a hug? Or that he looked like he could do with a hug himself?

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 6:31pm


Hi Pal,

It depends on the circumstances, Personallly, NO IT IS NOT EASIER. Its difficult when you fall in love with the other person, and iin my circumstances thats what happened to me. I love both of these individuals My hubby and my ex OM. It is a struggle for me everyday.

Take Care

Laadybug