Is It Ego or Pure Hatred?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2009
Is It Ego or Pure Hatred?
13
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 1:28am

As I explained in a previous post, my XAP gave his notice the day after I told him I was aware of his cruel game involving his buddy/our co-worker and that I had been saving our text messages.

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Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 6:23am

People do strange things when embarrassed about being caught doing something wrong.


The two weeks you have left are a blessing. You will see them roll by and he will be gone. You will go from LC, which I think is the hardest, to

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 7:43am

AG


Sounds like my X.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 7:52am

I'm with Rather, Alohagirl - it doesn't matter. There is no way of knowing what really motivated him to quit and why his attitude changed. It could very well be something not related to you or the A. Just be thankful that chapter in your life is closed and move forward.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2009
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 11:45am

I know it doesn't matter now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 1:32pm

I don't think it is horrible you are getting some pleasure in watching the events unfold.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 2:33pm

Aloha,


<

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2009
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 4:07pm

"TU discussed this at length with you when you posted about telling him you had saved evidence to a website about you not getting the response you hoped for. You threatened him with the information you have. Even if it was not a direct threat and was implied. This hostile work environment is part of your making."


I totally get what you are saying and know you are not sticking up for him or justifying his behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 5:26pm

I wasn't trying to be mean when I said sometimes it is better to be the bigger person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 7:18pm

Hi alohagirl :)


This is


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 7:58pm

Hello Aloha (-:

I am so happy to hear that your xAP will be outta there in two weeks - like E1 stated, I think this will be such a turning point for you. You'll be able to focus only on your healing and restoration and not the behaviours of your xAP.

I just want to comment on the following paragraph you wrote:

"I regret that I wasn't strong enough to take the high road when I learned what I learned b/c, I am usually the one who takes the high road. But, I don't regret confronting him in the sense that I stood up for myself and as a result produced some ramifications for his actions. Not an easy pill to swallow for someone who has gotten away with lies and cheating for so long! And, the best possible result occured for me as a result -- he's leaving! He may view this situation as me having played him and beating him at his own game! And, a cocky, arrogant, control freak, serial player/cheater is going to get pissed off at that b/c he's not used to women calling him out!"

I think this is an example of how you are making sense of his choices; specifically, you are linking his leaving to your actions to 'take a stand'. You are making his behaviours/choices/changes about you. I think you might be assuming things to be one way, when they aren't - when you frame his behaviours as so connected to your's, you are still allowing your ego to be stroked by him. You're making assumptions. Just like E1 mentioned, what he is doing might be linked to a host of other factors totally separate from you. By focusing JUST ON YOU, you'll avoid taking best guesses at why he is/isn't doing what he is doing - and avoid taking things so personally. I think it is actually really hard to not take things personally because we want to believe that we are more significant in their lives than we actually are. In the end, I don't think they would leave their careers based on us alone, without a much better opportunity awaiting them.

But you know what - it just doesn't matter why he is leaving - JUST THAT HE IS! I am so freaking excited for you - I can't wait to hear how much more tolerable your work place will be (-: You have had a rough road - and here's to hoping it is coming to an end.

Just a few sleeps!

It is all good,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

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