It feels different...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
It feels different...
15
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 7:51am

Hi everyone,


Well where to start... I suppose by saying I couldnt or wouldnt stop because I was in love with this man... im married and he is single. But he needed me, he just hadnt realised it yet.....


So after several start/ stops i saw him last week, we talked , we laughed, we kissed... but it felt different


I knew i was no longer in love with this man (or the thought i was in love with

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 10:10am

SB,


<

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 12:57pm

Hi Sunbeam and welcome:


I wanted to send you ((hugs)) and positive vibes today as you begin your journey.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 9:01pm

Hi Sunbeam-


There comes a time for all of us when the scales tip and a switch is flipped and we KNOW that it is over. It sounds like you have reached that point- congratulations. Now, buckle down and be prepared to do some real healing. It will be hard. There will be ups and downs, but with each day, it will get a little better. Welcome! I look forward to reading more about your journey.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 1:29pm

Hi Iddy,


As always your message was open and full of soul... its written from the heart, and for that many thanks.


I hoped that some people off here would understand how i felt, as the words do seem strange to someone who hasnt been in that situation i think.


This ending isnt like the first time when it ended (that time i thought i would die from the pain) In fact its

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 1:35pm

Good evening (im in the uk)


many thanks for your reply, it is so nice when someone takes the time to help another.


You know the funny thing is he is single , he never had to make time for me he had soo much spare time, it was me who took the risks, me who had the emtotions, me, me, me. In fact what did he do? Well sod all actually, except feel bad after each intimate contact and ignore me for days or weeks - as if!!


I made excuses, but there are none. I risked it all for a man who didnt care enough to stand up and be counted and even say if he felt something for me.... such a fool eh!


I hurt as i did care for him, but i hurt as i know i have damaged myself deeply, will I ever be the same person again???


I read a lot on here and i will try and post often as I know i will need the help of all you lovely ladies... the tears have stopped... the work begins


with love Sunbeam


x

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 1:48pm

Hello Jane,


I have read lots of your posts and some of your journals, I think everyone can learn something from reading it... i think you are a lovely, brave lady, well done for all you have achieved and for how far you have come. ((X))


It isnt the first time of no contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 3:08pm

((SB))


I went back and read my post and realized I was babbling about everything but what I really wanted to say to you.


Yes, it does feel different and over time our feelings do change toward XAP. It seemed like I was forcing myself to still love him the 3rd time it started up. The truth was, I didn't even like him much anymore, and that in itself was very unsettling. Just knowing that he was ready to fire up the grill again was where I should have left it, but I kept throwing food on the

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 7:59pm

Hi Sunbeam and welcome

You mentioned you feel quiet. My experience tells me that feeling is an acceptance of sorts. An acceptance that the end is near and you are preparing yourself for it. I remember feeling that and honestly it surprised me. But it was welcomed, I knew I would be ok. xAP and I had planned a one night visit together. He was in the middle of a trip that involved his business and moving a daughter into her college dorm. He managed to say yes to a free hotel room thanks to my generosity. Our evening consisted of him making one phone call after the other, often with him raising his voice to someone on the other end. By the time we made it to bed together, I felt nothing for this man. I had been struggling with trying to end it for months, but I was never able to pull the plug. I knew before I shut my eyes for sleep that night, that I had to end it. I felt that "quiet" feeling you are speaking of. And in an odd sense, it gave me comfort. Making love with him that night was void of any emotions on my behalf. Of course I faked every word that came out of my mouth. Ending it took many months, but eventually, I did. You are on a new journey, one many of us here are on as well. I promise it does get better and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 8:07am

Hi,


Thanks for your reply, its good to know others know how your feel isnt it? I think this calm is in contrast to the first / second time it ended as then I couldnt see my life without him,... there was no life without him!! Now i know that i can and will be ok as i have been for the past 11 months.... before i stupidly accepted him request to be friends on facebook (durhh)


He also acknowledges the same I think, we never really discussed what we were doing (feelings etc were not mentioned) but

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 8:17am

Hello Iddy,


As usual you know exactly what im feeling and trying to convey across...


When we first started it was like nothing else mattered, it was all so exciting and a dream and this man,.... well he had just been waiting for me and he hadnt known it (lol) He would fall in love with me as i was him and the world would be rosey (ha ha) but no it was on / off, we both felt the pull, both tried to stop, both gave in and this carried on for nearly 4 yrs.


But i do think we both know that it has passed.... I dont know about other ppl and im not judging but i can only be intimate with someone if i care about them, Love them (or think I do) and now i know this love has passed, if i were to go back it would make me cheap... it would be sex for the sake of sex. When i left this time i had this rash all over my neck and face, it wasnt the flush of love

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